The Present

And look around you. This is all that matters or exists. No other relationships, no stories, no worries, no guilt, no shame, no regrets. Just the floor beneath you, the pen in your hand, the voice beside you, the air around you and inside of you.

There does not exist in this place any anger, any fear. There is no lack, no jealousy, in this space money has no meaning. All of your needs are met. You live, you are loved, you are enough.

What I Want My Loved Ones To Know

Life is precious.
Appreciate every single moment.
Live in the present.
Question your thoughts, they are not always true.
Don't waste your life on anything that doesn't fill you up in some way.
Life is too short to waste on any activity that angers you, bores you, doesn't fulfill you, unless it is a step in the process of getting to something you love. 
Life is too short to not do something because of money.  Find a way.
Spend time looking into your loved ones' eyes.  Spend time listening to the words they say.  Hold their hand, savor the moment.  Really hear them, see them, and love them for who they are.
Love yourself in the same way.  Stop to look and listen to yourself.  Treat yourself with as much kindness as you would a child.
Don't get in the way of joy.  If someone you know is in the middle of a truly joyful moment, don't let thoughts of time, responsibility or money get in the way.  Let them experience the fullness of it.  In fact, join them.

Living a Happy Life- It's not about luck.

As we come upon the end of the year and look forward to the next, the posts about how to improve your life are taking over social media.  And in response I've seen many posts about how annoying it is to have those posts pop up all over the place.  I enjoy reading both sides, the ones outlining activities and practices that lead to more positivity and those convinced that those people should just shut up.  What really entertains me is the comments at the end.  I am floored by the numbers of people who take the time to comment.  And it saddens me to see how many people are convinced that happiness and joy are out of reach.  I understand that these articles often come off with a Pollyanna vibe, like it's supposed to be easy.  "10 Easy Steps to Joy!"  And if you are currently in a depressive state, reading the easy fixes like, "Smile more!" might make you want to punch someone.    The truth of the matter is that Joy and Happiness are not easy to come by. Not at first.  Especially when you're out of practice.  The people writing these articles have usually taken years of practice to come by their current state of calm, peace or joy.  They didn't just "smile more" for a day and then BAM, HAPPINESS!  It is not easy, and it doesn't happen quickly.  But it CAN happen.  One of the first steps is to figure out if you even believe it's possible, despite your present circumstances in life.  You can be in exactly the same circumstances that you are in now and have a more peaceful, calm, even joyful state of mind.  Another thing to realize, is that being happy or joyful despite your circumstances does not mean that now you become a passive floater in life.  The people writing these articles are not simply running down the shore of the beach in the sun all day.  That might be a part of their day and all the power to them!  They take the time to have fun.  But they are also feeding their families, paying their bills, writing blog posts, putting their effort into the projects that they care about.  They work hard.  They do not simply lie on the bed all day with a big grin on their faces.
I know, because I'm one of those people who tend to write and share those positive posts.  I love to talk to people about how to live a more joyful life.  But the truth is, I didn't use to be this happy.  I used to be pretty miserable.  I went to my boring, stressful job, came home to my husband and dogs who I love very much, and made dinner and either worked out or worked on the computer and went to bed.  It wasn't a bad life.  If you had asked me then, I probably would have said I was pretty happy.  I enjoyed a lot of the things I was doing.  I was being paid well enough to continue to live in Hawaii, which is a beautiful place to be.  My husband took wonderful care of me and dogs give unconditional love, the best kind.  And yet, looking back, knowing how happy I am now, I see that I was "pretty happy" but also "pretty miserable" in probably equal amounts.  Good memories and moments of sadness, boredom, discontent.  And that feeling that I couldn't change it.
So I know.  I know what it's like to think to yourself that you should be happy because you have a great husband, family, dogs and for $#@$ sake you live in Hawaii.  I know what it's like to look at people with those beaming smiles and think they're faking it.  Believing that that level of happiness doesn't actually exist.  Believing that those people were trying to sell me something, their product, their website, something, and that when they were done convincing me how awesome it was, they were going to go home and collapse into an exhausted heap of human, spent after spending the day trying to keep up that level of deception.  I believed that it wasn't possible.
Seeing a therapist in 2010 was a big change for me.  I stopped trying to do things by myself.  And in that small act of asking for help from someone else, I became a little braver.  I decided that I didn't have much to lose by trying.  I decided to live an experimental life.  I decided to give it a shot and see if it was actually possible to enjoy the little things in life.  To see if, in fact, meditation works.  To test out whether or not those joy gurus were right.  I started to listen to "self-help" books and to experiment with prayer, yoga, meditation and mindfulness activities.  Even if I thought it was stupid at first.  In fact, when I started meditating, it was painful.  My mind raced, thinking of all of the more important activities I could be accomplishing, my legs hurt because I'm so inflexible, my back hurt because I don't like to sit up straight and they tell you you should.  Sometimes I would fall asleep, other times I would peek open my eyes to see how much time left I had on the clock.  But I gave it a shot.  I made a commitment to a week of meditation in the morning.  And slowly, in little tiny moments, I began to feel that inner peace.  Those moments of just being and nothing else.  Where all the pain in my body and all the painful thoughts were briefly not important.  In the beginning it was so short, but once you've felt that, you become a bit of an addict.  You want more.  And then I finally believed that those joy gurus could be right.  That feeling does exist.
At the same time I was exploring books on the subject.  If a book didn't interest me in the beginning, I stopped reading it.  I wasn't there to waste my time.  Over time I found a few people whose words touched me and hit a nerve.  Not everything they said was like that, but every once in a while there would be a statement that just zinged me from my head to my toes and landed in my heart.  And I knew, just knew it to be truth.  I felt it.  It was not logic, it was knowing.  It was similar to that feeling of just "being" during meditation.

Because I took the time to experiment, I allowed myself to be open to the possibility.  And I discovered it could be true.  And it took a long time.  A 10 minute meditation in the morning is long for me.  I still peek at the clock sometimes.  But there are times when I start to meditate and I drop into this wonderful state of calm and peace.  And I've come to a point where I can find that state during times of stress and frustration.  In traffic, in long lines at the supermarket, while one of the toddlers I work with is purposefully taking as long as physically possible to put his dish into the dish tray after lunch.  In these moments I can drop down into that feeling of relaxation.  And here's where I think we have led people astray.  Once I've reached that state, I don't just smile and say, "Oh, it's okay, do what you want" and pretend to smile blissfully.  I don't let people walk over me just because I'm able to stay calm.  Being peaceful and calm is not the same as being a push-over.  In those moments, though, I can clear my mind and think of something to keep me busy.  Instead of fuming about how slow the lady in front of me is, while she counts out 85 dollars worth of pennies and drops a handful on the floor, I can take a second to drop in the calm.  Then I can look around and see if there is a different line, I can see if the person behind me is friendly and wants to share a smile about the situation, or look at the cover of the Enquirer which is always entertaining.  And instead of being furious about the pennies on the floor, I can smile at the woman with arthritis, assist her in picking up pennies, and wish her happiness in her life.  The truth is, either way, the woman is going to pay her money for her groceries.  I can fume, I can help her, I can find another line.  When you are paying your mortgage bill, you can do it with a smile or a grimace, both cost the same.  When the child takes forever, you can make a calm decision about how to react.  Do I shout at him to hurry up?  Do I take the plate from him and do it myself?  Do I let him continue on so that a more important lesson of self-sufficiency is learned?  Can I use a gentle, but firm tone to remind him that we have something to do so going fast is important? mIs it more important to be fast or for him to do it himself?  I can decide in a calm state of mind instead of reacting in anger.
 So ask yourself a few questions.  Do you believe that happiness is possible?  Do you believe that being calm and peaceful would change you into a push over?  Do you think that once you accepted reality,  you would have no power to change it?  Leave your answers in the comments!
"Happiness is not circumstance." Marianne Williamson says this on an episode of SuperSoul Sunday.  And I truly believe this to be true.

A Year of Speaking Dangerously

I am watching Marie TV and she is interviewing Susan Cain, the author of "Quiet."  She mentioned that she used to be terrified of speaking publicly, but she knew that in order to get her message out, she would need to get over her fear.  So for a year she embarked on what she called her "Year of Speaking Dangerously,"  and it is amazing to me how just the right article/video/advice will come to you when you are looking for it.  I just yesterday mentioned to a few of my girlfriends that one of my goals for 2014 was to talk to more people.  I just started my busines, Oasis For Change, this year (I offer Life Coaching and Individual, Family, Child and Group Counseling services) and I now am at a point where I have to spread the message that my services are available.  For an introvert, this can be frightening.  When I think about networking the gremlins in my head start the negative talk.  "They'll laugh at you," "They will think you are dumb," "They will not understand what you are saying," "They will think your business is stupid and that you don't have anything to offer them."  The voices can be pretty brutal.  I am lucky that I don't have a fear of public speaking.  I don't mind getting up in front of a crowd anymore, which is a huge blessing.  I worked through that in college with a public speaking class.  I do, however, have a fear of small talk, both with people in person and on the phone.  And this is not helpful when it comes to making connections for your business.
Susan Cain talks to Marie about how she trained herself over the course of a year to speak in front of others.  She started small, talking in front of small, familiar groups and working her way to larger groups.  I am dedicating myself in 2014 to something similar, but instead of speaking publicly, although I will continue to practice this, I will begin to talk to everyone.  People at the library, at the grocery store, at the gym, I will make small talk with the grocery store clerks.

Cute Website Article

How about you?  Do you struggle with small talk?  Do you need to work on connections this year?  Let me know below if you will be joining me this year for a Year of Speaking Dangerously!!

Busting 2 Common Misconceptions about Meditation

For the 2013 New Year, one of my major resolutions that I have, surprisingly, kept up with is to work on my spirituality.  This has taken on the form of a lot of journaling, studying, taking classes, and the dreaded meditation.

Meditation.  I grew up in the Catholic church.  I know what it's like to sit still for a very long time without moving, sitting up straight, asking for guidance.  I am a child of the United States school system.  I have been told throughout my life to sit still and basically, shut up.  I have been poked by my mom to stop fidgeting, yelled at and scolded by my teachers that I need to get back into cross-legged position with the rest of the class.  They can do it, why can't you?  You can see why the prospect of choosing, of my own volition, in my own free time, to sit still for 20 minutes at a time without moving, praying or simply "not thinking" would make me want to run away screaming in terror.  I am a mover, a fidgeter, a do-er, a multi-tasker.  I don't sit well.

Cute kid, bored with sitting.  

So why try?  People I know, respect, and love recommended it.  They gave very good reasons for it like feeling grounded, calmer, more centered, more loving, and peaceful.  These things sound great!  Especially when your normal brain activity looks like a pinball machine.  The prospect of getting this under control, something that I'm generally only able to achieve when I am hyper-focused on an activity (sewing) or participating in some form of intense exercise.  I don't even like to play video games.  I get distracted.

I have had every intention of having a consistent meditation practice for probably the last 3 years.  Possibly more.  There have been many barriers to my lack of follow-through.  The biggest problem is that I had some misconceptions about meditation that held me back.  Here are some of the common ones and the truth I have discovered over time.

Don't think about this elephant!!

1. You have to clear your mind of all thoughts.  This one was a major block for me.  Tell someone to not think of an elephant and that's the only thing you can think of.  I didn't get it, how do you clear your mind?  And so I would do my best, sit there, clear my mind kind of, for a few milliseconds at a time and then go back to thinking about my to-do list.  Then I would berate myself for thinking and clear my mind again.  Rinse and repeat.  Sounds fun, right?

The truth is, there may be some people who can clear their minds.  Great for them.  All the more power to you.  I won't say I can't, because I don't like to limit myself to possibilities, but I'd say the likelihood of me getting hit by lightning or winning the lottery are just as good.  Instead, researching meditation, I discovered Guided Meditation and Mindfulness Meditation.  If you are ED (Easily Distracted) like I am, than these are for you.

Guided Meditation.  Listening to the right Guided Meditation is great.  Plug in your headset, find a website that offers guided meditations and get started.  A lovely voice (if you can't stand the voice of the meditation, find a new one, there's bazillions of them out there) will walk you through a meditation and tell you what to think about.  They tell you what you can think about and this is quite liberating.

Mindfulness Meditation.  Mindfulness meditation took a bit more practice.  Mindfulness meditation can be done listening to someone, or you can do it on your own.  There are some guided meditations that will walk you through it, and now that I've done it often enough, I can run my own rodeo.  I didn't realize, growing up, that my exercise was a meditation for me.  When you are working out really hard, you have to have your full attention on that thing.  If you are playing basketball and thinking about your test tomorrow, you will likely not play well.  When you have your full attention on your movements, your next play, the feel of the ball, your opponent, you are fully in the present moment.  And this is what mindfulness meditation is all about.  It is doing something with your full attention.  It can be done with anything.  One of my first introductions to this type of exercise was simply eating a raisin.  That's it.  But eating it slowly, first studying it in the palm of my hand, smelling it, feeling it.  Then slowly tasting it, squishing it in my mouth, moving it around, feeling the texture and putting my mind on the flavors.  Sounds funny, but it puts you in a very centered, present state of mind.  Now I try to do this often with whatever I'm doing.  Crossfit, writing an assessment, talking to a student, writing this blog, walking my dogs, journaling, dinner with friends, cooking, eating, driving, sex, everything.  And it makes every one of these activities way more enjoyable.

I highly recommend giving it a try.

Lotus Position

2. You have to sit still.  Wrong! Okay, even though I knew about Yoga, which is basically a moving meditation, for some reason I really thought that in order to meditate you had to sit cross-legged on the floor, in the lotus position, hands resting on your thighs, back straight as a board, somehow getting your feet up on your thighs (how do people do that?).  Just searching for the right term right now, several articles popped up, scaring me with their admonitions that one must sit still.  No! You sit still.  I will do what works for me.  Which is whatever keeps me meditating.

Above I talked about Guided Meditation and Mindfulness Meditation.  Mindfulness Meditation is one example of some of the possibilities of moving around when you meditate.  But what about a guided meditation where they tell you to find a comfortable position and don't freaking move?  Well, I've learned a little secret in life.  I can do whatever I want.  It's true.  Now this has greater meaning in my life, like, not limiting myself in my beliefs, figuring out what I truly want, and going for it.  But it also has great meaning in the little decisions in my life.  I no longer make decisions based on what I am supposed to do, rather I look at the result I would like to achieve.  If I'm deciding whether or not I'm going to work out, or eat a piece of cake, or how I'm going to meditate I think about the result that each action is going to bring.  If I do work out I will feel proud of myself, stronger and calmer, but tired.  If I don't work out I will feel rested, will have time to do something else, but may not be as calm and relaxed and strong.  Both are great options.  It just depends on what I'd like in that moment. Well, that was a bit of a sidetracked point, what I was getting to was that I can meditate in whatever way is going to get me the result of me being calmer, more peaceful and more, well, meditated.

How I meditate when I'm just sitting.  In the mornings these days I get up in the morning, do a bit of journaling and sit on my meditation cushion.  I light incense because I like it.  For a long time I meditated without and that's just as nice.  I usually find a guided meditation to listen to on my ipad and settle in.  I usually start in a cross-legged position with my back straight, because I would like to strengthen my posture.  It also hurts my back if I do a super-slouch through the whole thing.  Often, the straight back position starts to hurt, because my back is weak.  I used to berate myself for this!  You should be able to sit up straight, Dummy!  Then I realized that berating myself for slouching was dumber than not sitting straight.  So I forgive myself, shift to a more comfortable position and continue meditating.  Guess what?  It's okay.  It works just fine.  Sometimes I will slouch a bit.  Or stretch my back.  Or uncross my legs when my foot falls asleep.  Or pet my dog when he comes to sit in my lap.  Or lean back on the wall.  This morning I felt the call to rock a little bit, because I wanted to keep my back straight and my back was a little sore.  So I did this (possibly ridiculous looking, but who cares?) slight rhythmic rocking back and forth.  It felt good, and I was able to continue meditating comfortable.  That is the result I was looking for, so I did it.  Then I patted myself on the back and wrote this blog about it.

So, in summary, if your vision of a transcendent yogi wearing robes sitting on the edge of a waterfall in total transcendent mindlessness is keeping you from trying meditation, challenge those notions and give a different kind of meditation a try.  Those of us who are ED need a different kind of meditation than Buddhist monks.  And maybe your dream of being able to sit peacefully in the lotus pose for hours at a time at a yoga retreat will come true, but start where you are.  And if that includes a slouchy, fidgety, guided meditation on your headset, or a game of soccer, that is an awesome start.  Congratulate yourself for trying something new and taking a step towards living in the present moment and having the ability to calm and center yourself at any time.  It will be truly worth your time.

Some resources I have found over time:

Martha Beck's "The Ideal Day Exercise"

Meditation for Beginners

Mediation Oasis Podcast

The Chopra Center's Library of Guided Meditations

Have you let limiting beliefs hold you back?  Do you have tips for others that have helped you?  Let me know in the comments section!

The Egg Scramble Meditation

"When you are present, when your attention is fully in the Now, the Presence will flow into and transform what you do. There will be quality and power in it." - Eckhart Tolle

I have deemed this summer, the summer of 2013, the Summer of Mindfulness.  I have made a commitment to practice mindfulness techniques as often as I remember to.  This morning's meditation was done as I prepared and ate and cleaned up after I ate my eggs.  Here's instructions on how to do this yourself.

First, think of what you are going to make.  I decided I would have an egg scramble.  I looked into my refrigerator and I had some leftover veggies, some eggs and some cheese.  

Pull out all of your ingredients.  Arrange them on your counter.  If your counter is not clean, first move stuff out of the way and wipe down an area that you can use.

Pull out your tools.  I needed a frying pan, a spatula, a spoon, a plate and a fork.  I also needed my coconut oil.  Arrange them on the counter.  (The frying pan can go on the stove.)

Take a moment and look at what you have and to be grateful for the ingredients and the tools.

Turn your stovetop on, but don't flick it on like usual.  Mindfully find just the right setting. 

Open your oil.  Mine was coconut.  Open the lid and smell it.  Enjoy the aroma of the oil.  Take a spoon and measure out how much oil you want in your pan, don't just pour it this time.  Slowly and purposefully spoon out some oil into your pan.  Put away the oil and wash your spoon.  Watch the oil.  Notice how it changes how it moves and looks as it heats up.  

Wait for just the right temperature.  I like to hold my hand above the pan to test how much heat is in there.  I feel it in my palm and my fingers.  I try to guess when the oil is hot.  

Drop in a vegetable and see if it sizzles just right.  Today, mine didn't.  The oil wasn't hot enough.  So I watched and I waited for the piece of onion to start to sizzle.  Don't get distracted while you wait.  Don't move away.  Just watch, listen, smell and enjoy the moment.

When the oil and the onion started sizzling to my satisfaction I added the rest of the veggies.  Then I watched them.  I smelled them.  And then I named them: Onion, green pepper, red pepper, yellow pepper, mushrooms.  I reached for the spices that are always next to my stove.  I picked up the garlic powder, opened the lid and wafted the aroma toward my nose.  Then I sprinkled some in the pan.  I did the same with the onion powder and paprika.  I poured a little salt into my palm and sprinkled it over the vegetables as well.  When it looked like the vegetables had gotten a little color, I flipped them over.  I examined them.  I poked them a little and prodded them to see what they looked like.  And I waited for them to finish on that side as well.  This part was difficult for me.  I wanted to put the eggs in now, but the veggies weren't ready.  Normally I will put on a timer, go do something else and come back to check when the timer goes off.  Today I stayed.  I watched.  I listened.  I smelled.  

And when they seemed just right I picked up an egg.  Held it.  Thought of the chicken it came from.  Thanked the chicken and the farmer.  And cracked it in the pan.  And then the same with the second, and the third.  I broke open the yolks with my spatula.  And then I stirred and waited, stirred and waited.  I watched for the eggs to be just right before I touched them again.  When everything looked just about done I added a slice of aged gouda.  I put it right on the top and then watched it melt.  It was a beautiful thing.  I watched as the sliced edges started to round.  I watched as the color began to darken just slightly, something I had never noticed before.  I watched as the flat slice began to droop and take on the shape of the eggs beneath.  And I watched as the last corner, the furthest from the heat, finally drooped and melted onto the eggs.

I carefully slid the eggs from the pan onto my waiting plate.  And then I washed the pan and the spatula.  I took my time.  I smelled the eggs waiting behind me on my plate and I paid attention to the hot pan as I poured water on it to cool it, then put soap on a sponge and rubbed it clean.  I carefully washed the spatula, felt the shape of the spatula beneath my fingers.  

And finally, it was time to eat my eggs.  I ate my eggs as mindfully as I had made them.  One bite at a time.  With each bite I closed my eyes to taste what was in it.  I chewed it thoroughly and felt the texture of the bite.  Each bite was a little different.  The urge to rush would arise every once in a while and I would just focus back on naming what was in that bite.  Every few bites I gave each of my dogs a tiny taste, because dogs deserve to be mindful, too.  

After the last bite I resisted the urge to turn my thoughts elsewhere.  I closed my eyes and gave thanks for the food I had just eaten.  And then I took my plate and fork to the sink and washed both, slowly and methodically, just as I had the pan and spatula.  

You can create a mindfulness exercise out of any activity.  Simply do it purposefully, with your whole attention on the task at hand.  When you can, stop and really look, listen, feel, smell, and taste what you are doing.  Try this while cooking, cleaning, shopping, reading, writing, and whatever other tasks you might do during the day.  

What is your favorite meditative task?  Comment below.

Question the Experts

Four or five years ago I ran a half-marathon.  It was my second attempt and my friend and I hadn't trained all that much.  The first time I ran one I had trained hard, but had not been able to run the whole thing.  So the second time around I surprised myself by running (jogging slowly) the whole thing.  My friend and I celebrated that it had hurt so much but that we had pushed through it.  And when I tried to run again just a few short weeks later, I learned that I had really hurt my knee.  I hadn't run very far when I got shooting pain next to my knee.  It hurt to run, it hurt to jog, it hurt to walk.  So I stopped and went home.  I tried again later.  I got the same pain in my knee.  Rest wasn't helping, it wasn't getting better.  And it hurt really bad.
Hawaii has great health insurance, so I went to a doctor.  I googled an orthopedic surgeon in Kailua.  I didn't do any research on who she was, I just went.  It was the usual sit around in the waiting room until the doctor can see you 15 minutes late, then sit in the waiting room for 15 minutes by yourself deal.  I guess we are all pretty used to this, unfortunately.  Then I got to see the Doctor.  She asked me a lot of questions and did some manual examinations on my legs.  She manipulated the knee and finally instructed me to go with someone she was going to send for to get some x-rays done to see what was going on in there.  Before setting off to fetch her assistant she gave me a talk about different kinds of knee pains.  She talked a lot about how many people are not meant to run, especially if something was a little different in one leg than the other (one of my legs is a hare shorter than the other).  She then also went on to talk about how often she will do x-rays on elderly gentlemen and she will find a form of cancer that is causing the pain, often in the hips.  Right after she mentioned cancer, she left the room.  And I sat there for 15 minutes thinking about cancer and how I will never run again.  I went to take the x-rays and she determined that I would need to get an MRI on my knee to figure out what was going on since she couldn't see anything in the films.  Then she gave me another talk about how I should never run again (I don't remember exactly what she said, but this was the basic gist).  Then she sent me off to the hospital to get an MRI done.
I followed her instructions like a good girl, got the MRI done and then went home in a panicky depression.  I would never run again.  There's something wrong with my body.  I've done some real damage.  I never went to pick up the results of the MRI.  I never scheduled a follow-up appointment with the lovely Doctor.  And I stopped running totally for about a year.
It's not that I didn't want to look at the MRI because there might be something I wouldn't like in the results.  I'm not one to go into that kind of denial.  If there's something wrong I generally want to know what I can do to fix it or make it better.  It was more that there was something about the way the doctor treated me.  Something about the way she brought up cancer and left me alone.  Something about how she sucked all hope out of my recovery.  Looking back I realize that it was the first time that a doctor told me something and I didn't just blindly accept it.  Doctor's words were like the word of God.  If a doctor told me something I believed it.  But I didn't accept her message and it took me a really long time to figure that out.  I had to mourn the death of my implicit trust in all medical professionals.  I began to consider that doctors are humans. And that although they had gone to school for a very long time and learned a considerable amount about the human body and their specialties, they are not infallible.
I began to research the kind of pain I had.  I looked specifically at runner's blogs and discovered that the kind of pain I have is pretty common.  It is caused by tight, unstretched muscles, a lack of cross-training and strengthening other muscles and a tight IT band.  Turns out there's things you can do to help with the pain and a foam roller does a great job of stretching your IT band.  I tested out what I had learned.  I started kickboxing which strengthened all my muscles, not just my running muscles.  I started stretching and icing.  I worked on my running technique in short bursts.  If it started to hurt at all, I stopped what I was doing.  And you know what?  It worked.  I will not be running any marathons or half-marathons any time soon, and I actually have no motivation to do so.  But I have been able to compete in 3-5 mile trail races with obstacle courses.  I can run when it is involved in a crossfit workout.  I have regained all of my functional running skills and have gotten myself to a point where there is little to no pain involved.
The moral of the story is this: go to the doctor, listen to the doctor, question the doctor, do your own research.  If your heart and intuition are telling you that the doctor is not spending enough time with you, or the doctor's words are not sitting right with you, You Might Be Right.  Do not fear a second opinion.  Do not let doctors bully you when you go into their kingdoms armed with your own knowledge, intuition and research.  Do not let the doctor make you feel stupid or hopeless.  And for the most part this means that you will follow their prescription..  They very often know what they are talking about.  I almost always take the medicine they prescribe.  I can think of only one other time that I didn't and it involved medication that would have caused side effects worse than the problem they were trying to fix.
So question the experts.  This goes not just for doctors, but government officials, researchers, spiritual and religious leaders, your boss, your mother, your best friend.  Ask for help, listen to what they say, and then follow your intuition.

Ain't No Stoppin Me Now!