A Year of Speaking Dangerously

I am watching Marie TV and she is interviewing Susan Cain, the author of "Quiet."  She mentioned that she used to be terrified of speaking publicly, but she knew that in order to get her message out, she would need to get over her fear.  So for a year she embarked on what she called her "Year of Speaking Dangerously,"  and it is amazing to me how just the right article/video/advice will come to you when you are looking for it.  I just yesterday mentioned to a few of my girlfriends that one of my goals for 2014 was to talk to more people.  I just started my busines, Oasis For Change, this year (I offer Life Coaching and Individual, Family, Child and Group Counseling services) and I now am at a point where I have to spread the message that my services are available.  For an introvert, this can be frightening.  When I think about networking the gremlins in my head start the negative talk.  "They'll laugh at you," "They will think you are dumb," "They will not understand what you are saying," "They will think your business is stupid and that you don't have anything to offer them."  The voices can be pretty brutal.  I am lucky that I don't have a fear of public speaking.  I don't mind getting up in front of a crowd anymore, which is a huge blessing.  I worked through that in college with a public speaking class.  I do, however, have a fear of small talk, both with people in person and on the phone.  And this is not helpful when it comes to making connections for your business.
Susan Cain talks to Marie about how she trained herself over the course of a year to speak in front of others.  She started small, talking in front of small, familiar groups and working her way to larger groups.  I am dedicating myself in 2014 to something similar, but instead of speaking publicly, although I will continue to practice this, I will begin to talk to everyone.  People at the library, at the grocery store, at the gym, I will make small talk with the grocery store clerks.

Cute Website Article

How about you?  Do you struggle with small talk?  Do you need to work on connections this year?  Let me know below if you will be joining me this year for a Year of Speaking Dangerously!!

Juggling My Resolutions

This year I am mostly focusing on manifesting my Core Desired Feelings (see Danielle Laporte's work) in every moment, in the present as well as focusing on these in both my short and long-term goals.  This, so far, has been going splendidly.  Especially when it comes to pausing in my day to see if I am manifesting those feelings RIGHT NOW.  And if not, I do something that will.  I suppose it's either human nature or because I am new at this, but because everything has been so lovely, I'm having difficulty focusing on my strategy.  I know in life that I have a list of things I would like to work towards, but are going to take some time.  I would like to be more spiritual, more minimalistic in my lifestyle, eat what my body needs, avoid toxins, play more, and move my employment from a "job" that I do to something that will knock my own socks right off.  This is quite a bit to work on.  When I think about it all together, it becomes a bit overwhelming.  When I remember to stay present, to focus on one thing at a time, it provokes a lot less anxiety.  Even so, in every moment I have to think about which part of this I want to focus on.  At my current job, I have to do my job.  This is where it's the easiest.  I have certain things that I need to do, so while I am doing then I do my best to present in the moment and complete all tasks to the best of my ability.  It's been fun figuring out how to do it with a good attitude.
Then I have a break.  Here's where I have been playing it by ear.  Do I study for my MFT licensure exam?  Passing this exam will get me closer to having freedom in employment.  It's a worthwhile expenditure of my time.  Should I meditate?  This will center me, bring me back to the present moment, strengthen my spirituality.  Have a snack?  Sometimes I forget.  I am doing my best to feed my body healthy food before I become ravenously hungry.  Do something fun?  Should I fantasize about what my dream job will look like?  Use the restroom?  Do some pushups?  Read an inspirational blog?
I know that all of these are acceptable.  I am the type of person that gets very excited and animated when it comes to new things.  I have since the new year started the May Cause Miracles book and am following the 40 day program with a group of friends in a book club.  I am studying for my licensure exam which I will be taking in May.  I am reading very slowly the book A Course in Miracles.  I am following a blog about minimalism and reading all things Mark Sisson, Robb Wolf, Lissa Rankin, Martha Beck, Dr. Mercola, etc.   The only problem with this is that I can't do everything at once.
Putting this into writing is extraordinarily helpful for me.  As I write this I am constantly having ideas about what I can do to make things simpler.  Today I will sit down and create a priority list.  Like a breaktime map.  It will probably start with a brief meditation.  What do you all think about this?  What tools do you use to keep your life simple and manageable?

Day 4 of Miracle Creation

Each moment you choose love over fear is a miracle. - Gabrielle Bernstein, May Cause Miracles.

Our book club has been working through the May Cause Miracles book.  Some of us are on day 4, some on day 3.  I like the way the first couple of days are very simple.  The first day, being willing to witness your fear, was a powerful one.  You don't do anything about it, you don't judge.  You just see it.  Today's exercise had you go back to your day 1 journal entry and write about your fears from a perspective of gratitude.  This one was more difficult than I thought.  I've worked through a lot of stuff over the past couple of years, but it's always interesting to uncover that next layer that you weren't aware of.  For instance, my resolution for this year was to do my best to eat healthy without doing a challenge.  Instead I was going to keep in mind the Core Desired Feelings I came up with while reading Danielle Laporte's Fire Starter Sessions.  This has turned out to be a fabulous idea.  I have not felt the drive to jump on the scale and see if it moved.  I have not felt the fear that if I eat a pancake, I would be betraying myself and my body and the paleo gods!  Instead I pack my regular breakfast and lunch.  I make myself dinner.  When I am offered something outside of what I consider to be "real food" I say go for it!  You can eat whatever you want.  And I also think, is this going to make you feel Clear, Connected, Powerful, Energized, and Free?  The answer is not always the same.  A co-worker really wanted me to taste some jelly she made from scratch.  I said yes, I would taste it for her, because she means a lot to me (connected) and it was yummy!  But very often my answer is "No thankyou, I don't eat that anymore."  What does this have to do with my fears?  Well, writing today I realized that now that we've been in the New Year for quite sometime, and I've been feeling pretty darn excellent for a good 50 some odd days.  That sounds wonderful!  The fear that pops up for me is, how long do I get to enjoy this?  When will the balloon pop and send me crashing back down to reality?
Too often we get caught up in the emotions of others.  I hear over and over again that it won't last.  That something will happen.  And I have to remind myself that stuff has been happening.  I've just been joyful while stuff is happening.  Being late to work and getting "scolded" or sitting up with my sick dog or having my husband barely able to breathe during Christmastime due to chemical pneumonia he picked up from the painters spraying cleaning solution while he was home.  All of our salt water fish dying, including the eel that just yesterday suicided out the back of the tank, again because the painters sprayed some chemicals into our house.  My mother not talking to me because of a disagreement.  My friend's cat dying while I sat with it.  A friend's breakup.  All of this happened since November time.  But through it all there has been a consistent sense of calm and trust.  Trust that everything is as it should be.  That we give things meaning- positive or negative- but otherwise they just are.  They just happen.
So being happy for this long feels great, but it also goes against everything I'm used to before learning from some great teachers.  I've always had the belief that we go through good times and bad times, that it cycles through.  The old beliefs are hard to shake.  They pop up when we least expect them.  So on Day 4 I recognize that my fear that some kind of downward cycle is on it's way.  And I'm just going to breathe in and breathe out.  And relax.  And question my thoughts when they come up.  And have a joyful day tomorrow and enjoy the delicious moment that is right now.

May Cause Miracles, My 40 Day Journey

My 2013 has so far been pretty great.  I have been eating food that I know is good for my body.  I have been following my intuition when making decisions.  I have been more honest with everyone including myself.  These were all resolutions of mine, objectives really, under the main goal- to be more spiritual this year.  The one objective that I have been having some difficulty with is that I would like to meditate more.  On one hand I have been more present in each moment, and have been doing "mini-meditations," a few minutes here and there to be silent and aware of my surroundings.  What I really would like to incorporate is a more consistent meditation on a regular basis.  A for real 10-20 minutes of time on a meditation pillow in my meditation spot. The roadblocks to my meditation are definitely mental.  I think, "20 minutes!  That's a long time!"  I think, "I hate sitting still!" I think, "My husband will think I'm dumb!"  These are all silly.  I just spent 20 minutes on Facebook reading posts from people I haven't spoken to in 15 years and who I wasn't actually friends with in the first place.  I can find 20 minutes.  I don't actually hate sitting still.  I actually love meditating when I sit my ass down to do it, on the meditation pillow I made for that very purpose.  My husband does not think I'm dumb when I meditate, in fact, he encourages it.  I have a pillow, an extra bedroom that is messy but has a clear middle area where I have meditated before and I even have a little tray that I put together a while ago complete with a candle, some incense, mala beads, rosary beads and some pretty rocks.  It's like a mobile altar.  So what's holding me back?  Good question.

Recently a friend posted in one of my favorite Facebook groups about joining a book club for the new book by one of our favorite authors, Gabrielle Bernstein.  It's called May Cause Miracles.  It literally just became available to the public.  It's a 40 day guidebook written by a meditation guru.  Hmmm, definitely a sign.  So I ordered one for myself and one for my sister so she can join the book club that I created for this very purpose.  I'm hoping others will join us. (If you're reading this, feel free to join us!  Here's the link!)  We will begin the 40 days this coming Sunday, January 27, since Gabby suggests that you start on a Sunday.  

So far I have read the introduction.  My favorite quote so far is "Simply put, every time you choose love over fear is a miracle."  I love this definition of miracle because it simplifies it and makes it accessible to everyone, all religions including atheist.  In my last blog post, Religion is Just a Language, I talk about how the words we choose to describe our spirituality can sometimes create barriers and this definition serves to include us all.

Since we are starting our 40 day journey next Sunday this week is for preparation.  I will locate my meditation pillow and make it accessible.  I will figure out when to set my alarm to give myself enough time for meditation before work.  I will set aside some time at night to meditate.  I will go through my traveling altar and make sure everything is there and that I have matches or a lighter and my timer.  I should dust off my journal that I haven't written in since December 23, 2012.  (I just located it and opened it to see when the last time was.)  And last of all, I am going to read the "Week 1" intro to prepare for Sunday.

Join me if you'd like, I think it is going to be a blast!  

Chapter 2013, Page 1 of 365

I saw this picture on Facebook.  I can't take credit, but I don't know who to give credit to either.  If this is yours, let me know so I can give you your dues!

While perusing Facebook I saw this picture on a friends page and it called to me.  I wish I could give the artist credit, but I don't know where it came from.  Anyway, the caption, "Chapter 2013, Page 1 of 365..." perfectly describes how I am feeling about this New Year.  Today is an opportunity for many to make changes in their lives, it is a symbolic turning of a new page, a new chapter.  The rest is still all there, the previous chapters are a foundation on which this new one is built, but anything can happen!
Today is New Year's Day.  I began my celebration last night by continuing a family ritual of hiding a silver dollar (a quarter for us) outside to be found the next day.  I'm still working on getting the explanation of why we did that, I can't remember, but we did it anyway.  The quarters are now safely tucked away, the first of many to be saved in the coming years.  We did our best to stay up until midnight, I continued reading the Tao Te Ching, and my husband watched TV until we both fell asleep at about 9:30pm.  Oh well, we're not night owls.  We woke up for the fireworks at midnight, calmed down my dog, who hates them with a passion and went back to sleep.  This morning I continued the celebration with a massive breakfast of bacon and eggs.  I read some more of the Tao Te Ching and went to a workout class at noon.  It was intense, anyone who does Crossfit will know what I mean when I say we did Fran.  For everyone else, I lifted weights and did tons of pullups in a sprint, go as fast as you can workout, and finished in 5:47.  Then walked outside to calm down my stomach and hold my arms which were vibrating and inoperable.  After my body regained it's abilities I went home and took a bath.  If me talking about taking a bath is tmi for some of you more squeamish folks, skip to the next paragraph. Kitty Cavalier's New Year Seduction Ritual kickstarted the idea.  I gathered epsom salt, candles, scented oil, and a stone found on one of my hikes.  I stated my intentions before adding each ingredient and soaked for a while.  My body definitely thanked me.  I love to meditate in the bathtub.
Today's meditation was brought on by something Kyle Cease calls Kylego.  I can't find his explanation of it, he does a lot of his work via video, but basically he was talking about how he prepared for a comedy show he was about to do by pretending that it was already over and that it was amazing.  He had a dialogue about how fabulous the show was, the reaction of the audience and the positive reviews it was getting.  So my meditation used that general idea.  I pretended that it was New Year's Day 2014 and I was taking a bath and reviewing how amazing 2013 was.  I went through some of the events I know I have coming up.  I was thinking about how nervous I was for the first "Lunch and Learn" class I did at the Y and how much more comfortable I had become with practice over the next couple of months.  I thought about the new job with the ginormous salary I got in March that gave me a lot of freedom to schedule my day and do more that I wanted to be doing.  And how that allowed me to really get into my private practice that I started after I passed the MFT exam (with flying colors, by the way.)  I thought about how cool it was that I got to go to Amanda's wedding as well as Jeremy's because I had made so much more money and it wasn't as big of a deal to fly back and forth to the mainland anymore.
Not only did this exercise give me a sense of calm and satisfaction, but it brought up little flashes of insight along the way.  Just a quick example is that I could totally see myself just finishing this stellar talk that uplifted my audience.  They were so excited that they wanted to grab my business card so they could check me out online and see what else I was doing that they could be a part of.  Guess I should make sure I have business cards, right?  How else will they be able to find me?
This was a very insightful exercise and I encourage you to try it.  It sounds weird, but it's super useful.  What did you do to celebrate the first day in the next chapter of your life?

Facing Forward in 2013

New Year's Eve December 31, 2011

It's December 27 and we've been creeping closer and closer to the New Year.  I survived the December 21 apocalypse and the Christmas holiday without a scratch.  This year has been a wild ride.  Many changes have happened in my life and I feel like 2013 will be a continuation of this trend.  It has been a year of spiritual growth.  I went through many events that could have thrown me off kilter, but I feel like I have become more grounded, more "calm and centered" as my friend Keysa would say.  The overarching theme for the year of 2012 was my devouring of books, blogs, and webinars by life coaches, spiritual leaders, philosphers, wayfinders, team members and healers such as Martha Beck, Kyle Cease, Regena Thomashaur, Kitty Cavalier, Byron Katie, Oprah, Tama Kieves, Lissa Rankin, Amy Ahlers, Lisa Nichols, Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson and Iyanla Vanzant.  I feel like 2012 was a year of focusing on my life's purpose and my calling in life.  I have become more clear on who I am and how I want to be in this life.  It has been a year of recognizing that it's not what happens to us, in fact our circumstances have nothing at all to do with the kind of life we have.  Instead it is our reaction, what story we choose to believe about it, how we react and how we choose to feel about the event.
2012 in review:

My Sister and I Smize

My 2012 began with a bang because my little sister, Anna, still lived with me.  She brought some energy and change into my life when she moved in with my husband and I in November 2011 and her energy and spirit were drove me full speed ahead into the new year.  We hiked and danced and fruit ninja ed and ate and dressed up and took the doggies for long walks.  Nathan even started the new year off with a couple of hikes with us.  January I also joined Crossfit Kailua and the amount of strength that I have gained over the year with the encouragement of my workout buddy Keysa (and Anna before she left), and my coaches is quite impressive, since I only workout twice a week with supplemental weekend hikes.  I started a paleo challenge in March and actually won 2nd place.  And Keysa won 3rd!  Awesome.

But in the spring time Anna moved away.  Sadness!  Seriously, very sad.  She moved on to South Carolina, but I'm hoping she hates it so much she'll move back here for a while.  We'll see.

At some point I began to watch reruns of Oprah's Lifeclass.  Those are life changers, holy moly!  Seriously, I began to have some major moments of clarity and some momentous gaining of perspective over my life.  It sent me scrambling for books and blogs by her guests starting with Iyanla Vanzant, who I love.  The perspective I gained from these classes I think helped me through starting at a new location at my job.  It was a tough transition, the culture of the school is very different than what I was used to.  It was difficult to manage the micromanagement, but I was able to stay calm without dissolving into tears.  I was able to step back and think before I agreed (or disagreed) to any commands given.

Hiking with my Best Friends

In October I took a life changing class called "Finding Your Calling" with Lissa Rankin, Martha Beck and Amy Ahlers.  It was the first time I have ever paid for a class by a "life coach."  It was amazing, intense and life-altering.  Did I mention it changed my life?  I became a part of an inspiring group of healers and entrepreneurs that I continue to keep in touch with.  A bazillion brilliant statements were made during these classes and I keep learning more and more as I go back and listen to the recordings.  The main thing is that I began to believe in myself.  Not the type of excitement that amps you up while the infomercial is playing but fades when it's over.  They kind that you feel in your bones, your gut, your heart.  I began to see and hear and feel what I want out of life.  Not the superficial things.  What I really want.  How I want to feel day to day, what kind of changes I want to make in the world.  What I want my legacy to be, what I want written on my tombstone.  The real stuff.  How I want you to remember me.  Ooh, it gives me chills all over again just thinking about it.

Sullivan Christmas Group Hug

So from this class I've had some real perspective shifts.  When I got pulled over speeding on H3, I totally got to enjoy the whole thing.  I got to look the police officer in the eye and thank him for doing his job.  I got to live through bouncing multiple checks all at the same time due to a mistake I made, and take a deep breath and not freak out.  And it was okay.  I paid some late fees.  The world did not end.  My dog got pancreatitis and lay next to me shivering, wanting me to fix his pain.  I didn't freak out.  I held him, I took him to the vet.  I got him his meds.  And I got to stay calm and help him instead of being anxious and scared and angry.  And yesterday, when my dear friend's cat died I didn't run away.  I was freaked out, but I stayed with him while he took his last breath and talked to my friend and brushed him with his favorite brush.  It was the saddest thing I've ever witnessed, he was a great cat, an old cat and he helped my friend through some really hard times.  But I didn't run away and hide, and I didn't freak out.  I stayed with him and tried to stay calm so it would be easier on him.

Warrior Dash, 2012

During the "Finding Your Calling" class Martha Beck walked us through a guided meditation that has helped me immensely in times like this.  You start out standing in a hurricane, watching the wind and waves and destruction happen.  Then you become just a speck of consciousness, a being that can watch, hear and sense the destruction but not be affected by it.  The wind and waves and rain go through you and you are untouched.  Then you drop down a rope into the ocean and you follow it down into the churning waves, and deeper, deeper and the water gets calmer and quieter as you go down.  All the way to the bottom where it is silent, so quiet that whales communicate to each other across miles at this depth.  And here you anchor your rope.  Your consciousness is still above water in the intense energy that is a hurricane and at the same time you are anchored in this peaceful, calm depth of ocean.  At any time you can grab onto this rope to ground yourself, to remind yourself that there is a part of you that is always calm and peaceful.  I mentally grab onto this rope often.  It might be the lesson of the year for me.

Swamp Romp, 2012

Parkour!

Finally, this morning I read a chapter of The Fire Starter Sessions, by Danielle Laporte.  Session 5, Facing Forward.  It talks about being "stuck in the past and chronically complaining about our present."  It struck a chord for me as I look towards the New Year's celebration in a couple of days and I consider what my resolution should be.  And I think Facing Forward might be my theme for 2013.  To stop getting stuck in the past.  To tell my stories from a place of love, learning and humor.  And to spend most of my time facing the present, what I do have and how I can build on that.  What my current obstacles are and how I can get past them.  How I can live every day of this year striving to feel Powerful, Energized, Connected, Clear and Free, my "Core Desired Feelings" (another Danielle Laporte concept).  Every day looking forward.

In the comments, please leave your thoughts on what your resolutions might be this coming year as well as adding any names of Spiritual and Life Leaders I may have missed in the above paragraphs.