Living a Happy Life- It's not about luck.

As we come upon the end of the year and look forward to the next, the posts about how to improve your life are taking over social media.  And in response I've seen many posts about how annoying it is to have those posts pop up all over the place.  I enjoy reading both sides, the ones outlining activities and practices that lead to more positivity and those convinced that those people should just shut up.  What really entertains me is the comments at the end.  I am floored by the numbers of people who take the time to comment.  And it saddens me to see how many people are convinced that happiness and joy are out of reach.  I understand that these articles often come off with a Pollyanna vibe, like it's supposed to be easy.  "10 Easy Steps to Joy!"  And if you are currently in a depressive state, reading the easy fixes like, "Smile more!" might make you want to punch someone.    The truth of the matter is that Joy and Happiness are not easy to come by. Not at first.  Especially when you're out of practice.  The people writing these articles have usually taken years of practice to come by their current state of calm, peace or joy.  They didn't just "smile more" for a day and then BAM, HAPPINESS!  It is not easy, and it doesn't happen quickly.  But it CAN happen.  One of the first steps is to figure out if you even believe it's possible, despite your present circumstances in life.  You can be in exactly the same circumstances that you are in now and have a more peaceful, calm, even joyful state of mind.  Another thing to realize, is that being happy or joyful despite your circumstances does not mean that now you become a passive floater in life.  The people writing these articles are not simply running down the shore of the beach in the sun all day.  That might be a part of their day and all the power to them!  They take the time to have fun.  But they are also feeding their families, paying their bills, writing blog posts, putting their effort into the projects that they care about.  They work hard.  They do not simply lie on the bed all day with a big grin on their faces.
I know, because I'm one of those people who tend to write and share those positive posts.  I love to talk to people about how to live a more joyful life.  But the truth is, I didn't use to be this happy.  I used to be pretty miserable.  I went to my boring, stressful job, came home to my husband and dogs who I love very much, and made dinner and either worked out or worked on the computer and went to bed.  It wasn't a bad life.  If you had asked me then, I probably would have said I was pretty happy.  I enjoyed a lot of the things I was doing.  I was being paid well enough to continue to live in Hawaii, which is a beautiful place to be.  My husband took wonderful care of me and dogs give unconditional love, the best kind.  And yet, looking back, knowing how happy I am now, I see that I was "pretty happy" but also "pretty miserable" in probably equal amounts.  Good memories and moments of sadness, boredom, discontent.  And that feeling that I couldn't change it.
So I know.  I know what it's like to think to yourself that you should be happy because you have a great husband, family, dogs and for $#@$ sake you live in Hawaii.  I know what it's like to look at people with those beaming smiles and think they're faking it.  Believing that that level of happiness doesn't actually exist.  Believing that those people were trying to sell me something, their product, their website, something, and that when they were done convincing me how awesome it was, they were going to go home and collapse into an exhausted heap of human, spent after spending the day trying to keep up that level of deception.  I believed that it wasn't possible.
Seeing a therapist in 2010 was a big change for me.  I stopped trying to do things by myself.  And in that small act of asking for help from someone else, I became a little braver.  I decided that I didn't have much to lose by trying.  I decided to live an experimental life.  I decided to give it a shot and see if it was actually possible to enjoy the little things in life.  To see if, in fact, meditation works.  To test out whether or not those joy gurus were right.  I started to listen to "self-help" books and to experiment with prayer, yoga, meditation and mindfulness activities.  Even if I thought it was stupid at first.  In fact, when I started meditating, it was painful.  My mind raced, thinking of all of the more important activities I could be accomplishing, my legs hurt because I'm so inflexible, my back hurt because I don't like to sit up straight and they tell you you should.  Sometimes I would fall asleep, other times I would peek open my eyes to see how much time left I had on the clock.  But I gave it a shot.  I made a commitment to a week of meditation in the morning.  And slowly, in little tiny moments, I began to feel that inner peace.  Those moments of just being and nothing else.  Where all the pain in my body and all the painful thoughts were briefly not important.  In the beginning it was so short, but once you've felt that, you become a bit of an addict.  You want more.  And then I finally believed that those joy gurus could be right.  That feeling does exist.
At the same time I was exploring books on the subject.  If a book didn't interest me in the beginning, I stopped reading it.  I wasn't there to waste my time.  Over time I found a few people whose words touched me and hit a nerve.  Not everything they said was like that, but every once in a while there would be a statement that just zinged me from my head to my toes and landed in my heart.  And I knew, just knew it to be truth.  I felt it.  It was not logic, it was knowing.  It was similar to that feeling of just "being" during meditation.

Because I took the time to experiment, I allowed myself to be open to the possibility.  And I discovered it could be true.  And it took a long time.  A 10 minute meditation in the morning is long for me.  I still peek at the clock sometimes.  But there are times when I start to meditate and I drop into this wonderful state of calm and peace.  And I've come to a point where I can find that state during times of stress and frustration.  In traffic, in long lines at the supermarket, while one of the toddlers I work with is purposefully taking as long as physically possible to put his dish into the dish tray after lunch.  In these moments I can drop down into that feeling of relaxation.  And here's where I think we have led people astray.  Once I've reached that state, I don't just smile and say, "Oh, it's okay, do what you want" and pretend to smile blissfully.  I don't let people walk over me just because I'm able to stay calm.  Being peaceful and calm is not the same as being a push-over.  In those moments, though, I can clear my mind and think of something to keep me busy.  Instead of fuming about how slow the lady in front of me is, while she counts out 85 dollars worth of pennies and drops a handful on the floor, I can take a second to drop in the calm.  Then I can look around and see if there is a different line, I can see if the person behind me is friendly and wants to share a smile about the situation, or look at the cover of the Enquirer which is always entertaining.  And instead of being furious about the pennies on the floor, I can smile at the woman with arthritis, assist her in picking up pennies, and wish her happiness in her life.  The truth is, either way, the woman is going to pay her money for her groceries.  I can fume, I can help her, I can find another line.  When you are paying your mortgage bill, you can do it with a smile or a grimace, both cost the same.  When the child takes forever, you can make a calm decision about how to react.  Do I shout at him to hurry up?  Do I take the plate from him and do it myself?  Do I let him continue on so that a more important lesson of self-sufficiency is learned?  Can I use a gentle, but firm tone to remind him that we have something to do so going fast is important? mIs it more important to be fast or for him to do it himself?  I can decide in a calm state of mind instead of reacting in anger.
 So ask yourself a few questions.  Do you believe that happiness is possible?  Do you believe that being calm and peaceful would change you into a push over?  Do you think that once you accepted reality,  you would have no power to change it?  Leave your answers in the comments!
"Happiness is not circumstance." Marianne Williamson says this on an episode of SuperSoul Sunday.  And I truly believe this to be true.

Busting 2 Common Misconceptions about Meditation

For the 2013 New Year, one of my major resolutions that I have, surprisingly, kept up with is to work on my spirituality.  This has taken on the form of a lot of journaling, studying, taking classes, and the dreaded meditation.

Meditation.  I grew up in the Catholic church.  I know what it's like to sit still for a very long time without moving, sitting up straight, asking for guidance.  I am a child of the United States school system.  I have been told throughout my life to sit still and basically, shut up.  I have been poked by my mom to stop fidgeting, yelled at and scolded by my teachers that I need to get back into cross-legged position with the rest of the class.  They can do it, why can't you?  You can see why the prospect of choosing, of my own volition, in my own free time, to sit still for 20 minutes at a time without moving, praying or simply "not thinking" would make me want to run away screaming in terror.  I am a mover, a fidgeter, a do-er, a multi-tasker.  I don't sit well.

Cute kid, bored with sitting.  

So why try?  People I know, respect, and love recommended it.  They gave very good reasons for it like feeling grounded, calmer, more centered, more loving, and peaceful.  These things sound great!  Especially when your normal brain activity looks like a pinball machine.  The prospect of getting this under control, something that I'm generally only able to achieve when I am hyper-focused on an activity (sewing) or participating in some form of intense exercise.  I don't even like to play video games.  I get distracted.

I have had every intention of having a consistent meditation practice for probably the last 3 years.  Possibly more.  There have been many barriers to my lack of follow-through.  The biggest problem is that I had some misconceptions about meditation that held me back.  Here are some of the common ones and the truth I have discovered over time.

Don't think about this elephant!!

1. You have to clear your mind of all thoughts.  This one was a major block for me.  Tell someone to not think of an elephant and that's the only thing you can think of.  I didn't get it, how do you clear your mind?  And so I would do my best, sit there, clear my mind kind of, for a few milliseconds at a time and then go back to thinking about my to-do list.  Then I would berate myself for thinking and clear my mind again.  Rinse and repeat.  Sounds fun, right?

The truth is, there may be some people who can clear their minds.  Great for them.  All the more power to you.  I won't say I can't, because I don't like to limit myself to possibilities, but I'd say the likelihood of me getting hit by lightning or winning the lottery are just as good.  Instead, researching meditation, I discovered Guided Meditation and Mindfulness Meditation.  If you are ED (Easily Distracted) like I am, than these are for you.

Guided Meditation.  Listening to the right Guided Meditation is great.  Plug in your headset, find a website that offers guided meditations and get started.  A lovely voice (if you can't stand the voice of the meditation, find a new one, there's bazillions of them out there) will walk you through a meditation and tell you what to think about.  They tell you what you can think about and this is quite liberating.

Mindfulness Meditation.  Mindfulness meditation took a bit more practice.  Mindfulness meditation can be done listening to someone, or you can do it on your own.  There are some guided meditations that will walk you through it, and now that I've done it often enough, I can run my own rodeo.  I didn't realize, growing up, that my exercise was a meditation for me.  When you are working out really hard, you have to have your full attention on that thing.  If you are playing basketball and thinking about your test tomorrow, you will likely not play well.  When you have your full attention on your movements, your next play, the feel of the ball, your opponent, you are fully in the present moment.  And this is what mindfulness meditation is all about.  It is doing something with your full attention.  It can be done with anything.  One of my first introductions to this type of exercise was simply eating a raisin.  That's it.  But eating it slowly, first studying it in the palm of my hand, smelling it, feeling it.  Then slowly tasting it, squishing it in my mouth, moving it around, feeling the texture and putting my mind on the flavors.  Sounds funny, but it puts you in a very centered, present state of mind.  Now I try to do this often with whatever I'm doing.  Crossfit, writing an assessment, talking to a student, writing this blog, walking my dogs, journaling, dinner with friends, cooking, eating, driving, sex, everything.  And it makes every one of these activities way more enjoyable.

I highly recommend giving it a try.

Lotus Position

2. You have to sit still.  Wrong! Okay, even though I knew about Yoga, which is basically a moving meditation, for some reason I really thought that in order to meditate you had to sit cross-legged on the floor, in the lotus position, hands resting on your thighs, back straight as a board, somehow getting your feet up on your thighs (how do people do that?).  Just searching for the right term right now, several articles popped up, scaring me with their admonitions that one must sit still.  No! You sit still.  I will do what works for me.  Which is whatever keeps me meditating.

Above I talked about Guided Meditation and Mindfulness Meditation.  Mindfulness Meditation is one example of some of the possibilities of moving around when you meditate.  But what about a guided meditation where they tell you to find a comfortable position and don't freaking move?  Well, I've learned a little secret in life.  I can do whatever I want.  It's true.  Now this has greater meaning in my life, like, not limiting myself in my beliefs, figuring out what I truly want, and going for it.  But it also has great meaning in the little decisions in my life.  I no longer make decisions based on what I am supposed to do, rather I look at the result I would like to achieve.  If I'm deciding whether or not I'm going to work out, or eat a piece of cake, or how I'm going to meditate I think about the result that each action is going to bring.  If I do work out I will feel proud of myself, stronger and calmer, but tired.  If I don't work out I will feel rested, will have time to do something else, but may not be as calm and relaxed and strong.  Both are great options.  It just depends on what I'd like in that moment. Well, that was a bit of a sidetracked point, what I was getting to was that I can meditate in whatever way is going to get me the result of me being calmer, more peaceful and more, well, meditated.

How I meditate when I'm just sitting.  In the mornings these days I get up in the morning, do a bit of journaling and sit on my meditation cushion.  I light incense because I like it.  For a long time I meditated without and that's just as nice.  I usually find a guided meditation to listen to on my ipad and settle in.  I usually start in a cross-legged position with my back straight, because I would like to strengthen my posture.  It also hurts my back if I do a super-slouch through the whole thing.  Often, the straight back position starts to hurt, because my back is weak.  I used to berate myself for this!  You should be able to sit up straight, Dummy!  Then I realized that berating myself for slouching was dumber than not sitting straight.  So I forgive myself, shift to a more comfortable position and continue meditating.  Guess what?  It's okay.  It works just fine.  Sometimes I will slouch a bit.  Or stretch my back.  Or uncross my legs when my foot falls asleep.  Or pet my dog when he comes to sit in my lap.  Or lean back on the wall.  This morning I felt the call to rock a little bit, because I wanted to keep my back straight and my back was a little sore.  So I did this (possibly ridiculous looking, but who cares?) slight rhythmic rocking back and forth.  It felt good, and I was able to continue meditating comfortable.  That is the result I was looking for, so I did it.  Then I patted myself on the back and wrote this blog about it.

So, in summary, if your vision of a transcendent yogi wearing robes sitting on the edge of a waterfall in total transcendent mindlessness is keeping you from trying meditation, challenge those notions and give a different kind of meditation a try.  Those of us who are ED need a different kind of meditation than Buddhist monks.  And maybe your dream of being able to sit peacefully in the lotus pose for hours at a time at a yoga retreat will come true, but start where you are.  And if that includes a slouchy, fidgety, guided meditation on your headset, or a game of soccer, that is an awesome start.  Congratulate yourself for trying something new and taking a step towards living in the present moment and having the ability to calm and center yourself at any time.  It will be truly worth your time.

Some resources I have found over time:

Martha Beck's "The Ideal Day Exercise"

Meditation for Beginners

Mediation Oasis Podcast

The Chopra Center's Library of Guided Meditations

Have you let limiting beliefs hold you back?  Do you have tips for others that have helped you?  Let me know in the comments section!

The Egg Scramble Meditation

"When you are present, when your attention is fully in the Now, the Presence will flow into and transform what you do. There will be quality and power in it." - Eckhart Tolle

I have deemed this summer, the summer of 2013, the Summer of Mindfulness.  I have made a commitment to practice mindfulness techniques as often as I remember to.  This morning's meditation was done as I prepared and ate and cleaned up after I ate my eggs.  Here's instructions on how to do this yourself.

First, think of what you are going to make.  I decided I would have an egg scramble.  I looked into my refrigerator and I had some leftover veggies, some eggs and some cheese.  

Pull out all of your ingredients.  Arrange them on your counter.  If your counter is not clean, first move stuff out of the way and wipe down an area that you can use.

Pull out your tools.  I needed a frying pan, a spatula, a spoon, a plate and a fork.  I also needed my coconut oil.  Arrange them on the counter.  (The frying pan can go on the stove.)

Take a moment and look at what you have and to be grateful for the ingredients and the tools.

Turn your stovetop on, but don't flick it on like usual.  Mindfully find just the right setting. 

Open your oil.  Mine was coconut.  Open the lid and smell it.  Enjoy the aroma of the oil.  Take a spoon and measure out how much oil you want in your pan, don't just pour it this time.  Slowly and purposefully spoon out some oil into your pan.  Put away the oil and wash your spoon.  Watch the oil.  Notice how it changes how it moves and looks as it heats up.  

Wait for just the right temperature.  I like to hold my hand above the pan to test how much heat is in there.  I feel it in my palm and my fingers.  I try to guess when the oil is hot.  

Drop in a vegetable and see if it sizzles just right.  Today, mine didn't.  The oil wasn't hot enough.  So I watched and I waited for the piece of onion to start to sizzle.  Don't get distracted while you wait.  Don't move away.  Just watch, listen, smell and enjoy the moment.

When the oil and the onion started sizzling to my satisfaction I added the rest of the veggies.  Then I watched them.  I smelled them.  And then I named them: Onion, green pepper, red pepper, yellow pepper, mushrooms.  I reached for the spices that are always next to my stove.  I picked up the garlic powder, opened the lid and wafted the aroma toward my nose.  Then I sprinkled some in the pan.  I did the same with the onion powder and paprika.  I poured a little salt into my palm and sprinkled it over the vegetables as well.  When it looked like the vegetables had gotten a little color, I flipped them over.  I examined them.  I poked them a little and prodded them to see what they looked like.  And I waited for them to finish on that side as well.  This part was difficult for me.  I wanted to put the eggs in now, but the veggies weren't ready.  Normally I will put on a timer, go do something else and come back to check when the timer goes off.  Today I stayed.  I watched.  I listened.  I smelled.  

And when they seemed just right I picked up an egg.  Held it.  Thought of the chicken it came from.  Thanked the chicken and the farmer.  And cracked it in the pan.  And then the same with the second, and the third.  I broke open the yolks with my spatula.  And then I stirred and waited, stirred and waited.  I watched for the eggs to be just right before I touched them again.  When everything looked just about done I added a slice of aged gouda.  I put it right on the top and then watched it melt.  It was a beautiful thing.  I watched as the sliced edges started to round.  I watched as the color began to darken just slightly, something I had never noticed before.  I watched as the flat slice began to droop and take on the shape of the eggs beneath.  And I watched as the last corner, the furthest from the heat, finally drooped and melted onto the eggs.

I carefully slid the eggs from the pan onto my waiting plate.  And then I washed the pan and the spatula.  I took my time.  I smelled the eggs waiting behind me on my plate and I paid attention to the hot pan as I poured water on it to cool it, then put soap on a sponge and rubbed it clean.  I carefully washed the spatula, felt the shape of the spatula beneath my fingers.  

And finally, it was time to eat my eggs.  I ate my eggs as mindfully as I had made them.  One bite at a time.  With each bite I closed my eyes to taste what was in it.  I chewed it thoroughly and felt the texture of the bite.  Each bite was a little different.  The urge to rush would arise every once in a while and I would just focus back on naming what was in that bite.  Every few bites I gave each of my dogs a tiny taste, because dogs deserve to be mindful, too.  

After the last bite I resisted the urge to turn my thoughts elsewhere.  I closed my eyes and gave thanks for the food I had just eaten.  And then I took my plate and fork to the sink and washed both, slowly and methodically, just as I had the pan and spatula.  

You can create a mindfulness exercise out of any activity.  Simply do it purposefully, with your whole attention on the task at hand.  When you can, stop and really look, listen, feel, smell, and taste what you are doing.  Try this while cooking, cleaning, shopping, reading, writing, and whatever other tasks you might do during the day.  

What is your favorite meditative task?  Comment below.

Is Today an Okay Day to Die?

I know some of you may be thinking that I'm being a bit doom and gloom, or depressed, or you might be worried that I am going to do something rash, judging by the title.  However, it is totally the opposite.  Let me explain.

The other day I was on my way to a local coffee shop to study for my upcoming test.  On my way to the door, a disheviled man came out of the door and grabbed a backpack that had been sitting outside on the sidewalk.  I walked into the coffee shop and he walked away.  When I got to the counter inside, one of the ladies who had been sitting at a table outside the shop came in to tell the man at the counter that the bag had been claimed.  Apparently, the group had been concerned about the bag lying unattended and had reported it to the store.  With the recent bombings at the Boston Marathon, there have been several cases in Hawaii of stores and building being shut down as the police investigate unattended bags left lying around.  The guys at the counter laughed about it probably being a drug deal and everyone went on their way.  The guy is a bit of a regular, so no one was that concerned.  I got my latte and cracked open the books and forgot about it.

About an hour later, the same man came back inside, carrying two bags, including the one that had been earlier lying around unattended.  He went upstairs, and came back down without his bag.  He left the store.  Hmm.  Now, none of the group of ladies from the previous group was there.  The guy at the register didn't notice the guy come in.  I was the only one noticing this guy and of course, my mind started to go there.  Did this guy just leave some kind of explosive device upstairs?  I know that he's one of the regulars of Kailua, possibly homeless and on drugs, definitely wanders the street all of the time, I've seen him before.  Part of me knew that this was no big deal and yet a part of my mind started to wind up.  Images of explosions and screaming and running flashed really quickly through my brain.  I could feel a chill go through my body and I tensed up.  Even though I know it's not a terrorist attack, my brain is starting to take over and the anxiety is starting to set in.  This is where the question above came in handy.

This year I have been practicing daily how to be present in the moment.  At random intervals, especially when I am starting to get stressed out, I take a moment to really look around me and see what is reality.  What is going on, right now.  The practice brings an awesome sense of peace.  In that moment, in the coffee shop, I stopped thinking about explosions and looked around.  I was in a cute cafe with lots of studious people on their computers.  There was good music playing and my friend, Keysa, was sitting at the table with me, reading her own book.  It was peaceful and serene and pleasant.  And I thought to myself, since really we can die at any moment, for multitudes of reasons, would this be an okay way to die?  I was in a great place with a friend.  I was doing something enjoyable, preparing for a test that will help me further my career.  Everything was totally okay in that moment.  So, yes, it would have been an okay time and place to die.  The thought brought me a great deal of peace.  The tension in my body started to melt away.  I had another sip of coffee, and smiled at Keysa.  The man came back in the front door, went upstairs and grabbed his bag, ordered a cup of coffee, and grabbed a seat at a table.

The same man got up to grab a napkin near our table a few minutes later and we couldn't help but overhear as he repeated to himself, "I am a cat, I am a cat, I am a cat."  The man was totally harmless, not quite in his right mind, but no terrorist.  And I am so grateful that I didn't waste any more of my precious time on this earth spinning my mind and worrying that I was going to blow up.  It would have been a waste.  Even if there was a bomb in his bag that day, I would have wasted my last moments with fear.  I've always thought it would be so much better to go with a contented smile on my face.

What are your thoughts?  Is today an okay day to die?

Juggling My Resolutions

This year I am mostly focusing on manifesting my Core Desired Feelings (see Danielle Laporte's work) in every moment, in the present as well as focusing on these in both my short and long-term goals.  This, so far, has been going splendidly.  Especially when it comes to pausing in my day to see if I am manifesting those feelings RIGHT NOW.  And if not, I do something that will.  I suppose it's either human nature or because I am new at this, but because everything has been so lovely, I'm having difficulty focusing on my strategy.  I know in life that I have a list of things I would like to work towards, but are going to take some time.  I would like to be more spiritual, more minimalistic in my lifestyle, eat what my body needs, avoid toxins, play more, and move my employment from a "job" that I do to something that will knock my own socks right off.  This is quite a bit to work on.  When I think about it all together, it becomes a bit overwhelming.  When I remember to stay present, to focus on one thing at a time, it provokes a lot less anxiety.  Even so, in every moment I have to think about which part of this I want to focus on.  At my current job, I have to do my job.  This is where it's the easiest.  I have certain things that I need to do, so while I am doing then I do my best to present in the moment and complete all tasks to the best of my ability.  It's been fun figuring out how to do it with a good attitude.
Then I have a break.  Here's where I have been playing it by ear.  Do I study for my MFT licensure exam?  Passing this exam will get me closer to having freedom in employment.  It's a worthwhile expenditure of my time.  Should I meditate?  This will center me, bring me back to the present moment, strengthen my spirituality.  Have a snack?  Sometimes I forget.  I am doing my best to feed my body healthy food before I become ravenously hungry.  Do something fun?  Should I fantasize about what my dream job will look like?  Use the restroom?  Do some pushups?  Read an inspirational blog?
I know that all of these are acceptable.  I am the type of person that gets very excited and animated when it comes to new things.  I have since the new year started the May Cause Miracles book and am following the 40 day program with a group of friends in a book club.  I am studying for my licensure exam which I will be taking in May.  I am reading very slowly the book A Course in Miracles.  I am following a blog about minimalism and reading all things Mark Sisson, Robb Wolf, Lissa Rankin, Martha Beck, Dr. Mercola, etc.   The only problem with this is that I can't do everything at once.
Putting this into writing is extraordinarily helpful for me.  As I write this I am constantly having ideas about what I can do to make things simpler.  Today I will sit down and create a priority list.  Like a breaktime map.  It will probably start with a brief meditation.  What do you all think about this?  What tools do you use to keep your life simple and manageable?

Day 4 of Miracle Creation

Each moment you choose love over fear is a miracle. - Gabrielle Bernstein, May Cause Miracles.

Our book club has been working through the May Cause Miracles book.  Some of us are on day 4, some on day 3.  I like the way the first couple of days are very simple.  The first day, being willing to witness your fear, was a powerful one.  You don't do anything about it, you don't judge.  You just see it.  Today's exercise had you go back to your day 1 journal entry and write about your fears from a perspective of gratitude.  This one was more difficult than I thought.  I've worked through a lot of stuff over the past couple of years, but it's always interesting to uncover that next layer that you weren't aware of.  For instance, my resolution for this year was to do my best to eat healthy without doing a challenge.  Instead I was going to keep in mind the Core Desired Feelings I came up with while reading Danielle Laporte's Fire Starter Sessions.  This has turned out to be a fabulous idea.  I have not felt the drive to jump on the scale and see if it moved.  I have not felt the fear that if I eat a pancake, I would be betraying myself and my body and the paleo gods!  Instead I pack my regular breakfast and lunch.  I make myself dinner.  When I am offered something outside of what I consider to be "real food" I say go for it!  You can eat whatever you want.  And I also think, is this going to make you feel Clear, Connected, Powerful, Energized, and Free?  The answer is not always the same.  A co-worker really wanted me to taste some jelly she made from scratch.  I said yes, I would taste it for her, because she means a lot to me (connected) and it was yummy!  But very often my answer is "No thankyou, I don't eat that anymore."  What does this have to do with my fears?  Well, writing today I realized that now that we've been in the New Year for quite sometime, and I've been feeling pretty darn excellent for a good 50 some odd days.  That sounds wonderful!  The fear that pops up for me is, how long do I get to enjoy this?  When will the balloon pop and send me crashing back down to reality?
Too often we get caught up in the emotions of others.  I hear over and over again that it won't last.  That something will happen.  And I have to remind myself that stuff has been happening.  I've just been joyful while stuff is happening.  Being late to work and getting "scolded" or sitting up with my sick dog or having my husband barely able to breathe during Christmastime due to chemical pneumonia he picked up from the painters spraying cleaning solution while he was home.  All of our salt water fish dying, including the eel that just yesterday suicided out the back of the tank, again because the painters sprayed some chemicals into our house.  My mother not talking to me because of a disagreement.  My friend's cat dying while I sat with it.  A friend's breakup.  All of this happened since November time.  But through it all there has been a consistent sense of calm and trust.  Trust that everything is as it should be.  That we give things meaning- positive or negative- but otherwise they just are.  They just happen.
So being happy for this long feels great, but it also goes against everything I'm used to before learning from some great teachers.  I've always had the belief that we go through good times and bad times, that it cycles through.  The old beliefs are hard to shake.  They pop up when we least expect them.  So on Day 4 I recognize that my fear that some kind of downward cycle is on it's way.  And I'm just going to breathe in and breathe out.  And relax.  And question my thoughts when they come up.  And have a joyful day tomorrow and enjoy the delicious moment that is right now.

May Cause Miracles, My 40 Day Journey

My 2013 has so far been pretty great.  I have been eating food that I know is good for my body.  I have been following my intuition when making decisions.  I have been more honest with everyone including myself.  These were all resolutions of mine, objectives really, under the main goal- to be more spiritual this year.  The one objective that I have been having some difficulty with is that I would like to meditate more.  On one hand I have been more present in each moment, and have been doing "mini-meditations," a few minutes here and there to be silent and aware of my surroundings.  What I really would like to incorporate is a more consistent meditation on a regular basis.  A for real 10-20 minutes of time on a meditation pillow in my meditation spot. The roadblocks to my meditation are definitely mental.  I think, "20 minutes!  That's a long time!"  I think, "I hate sitting still!" I think, "My husband will think I'm dumb!"  These are all silly.  I just spent 20 minutes on Facebook reading posts from people I haven't spoken to in 15 years and who I wasn't actually friends with in the first place.  I can find 20 minutes.  I don't actually hate sitting still.  I actually love meditating when I sit my ass down to do it, on the meditation pillow I made for that very purpose.  My husband does not think I'm dumb when I meditate, in fact, he encourages it.  I have a pillow, an extra bedroom that is messy but has a clear middle area where I have meditated before and I even have a little tray that I put together a while ago complete with a candle, some incense, mala beads, rosary beads and some pretty rocks.  It's like a mobile altar.  So what's holding me back?  Good question.

Recently a friend posted in one of my favorite Facebook groups about joining a book club for the new book by one of our favorite authors, Gabrielle Bernstein.  It's called May Cause Miracles.  It literally just became available to the public.  It's a 40 day guidebook written by a meditation guru.  Hmmm, definitely a sign.  So I ordered one for myself and one for my sister so she can join the book club that I created for this very purpose.  I'm hoping others will join us. (If you're reading this, feel free to join us!  Here's the link!)  We will begin the 40 days this coming Sunday, January 27, since Gabby suggests that you start on a Sunday.  

So far I have read the introduction.  My favorite quote so far is "Simply put, every time you choose love over fear is a miracle."  I love this definition of miracle because it simplifies it and makes it accessible to everyone, all religions including atheist.  In my last blog post, Religion is Just a Language, I talk about how the words we choose to describe our spirituality can sometimes create barriers and this definition serves to include us all.

Since we are starting our 40 day journey next Sunday this week is for preparation.  I will locate my meditation pillow and make it accessible.  I will figure out when to set my alarm to give myself enough time for meditation before work.  I will set aside some time at night to meditate.  I will go through my traveling altar and make sure everything is there and that I have matches or a lighter and my timer.  I should dust off my journal that I haven't written in since December 23, 2012.  (I just located it and opened it to see when the last time was.)  And last of all, I am going to read the "Week 1" intro to prepare for Sunday.

Join me if you'd like, I think it is going to be a blast!  

Religion is just a Language

"The tao that can be told
is not the eternal Tao
The name that can be named
is not the eternal Name.

The unnamable is the eternally real.
Naming is the origin
of all particular things."

From the Tao Te Ching, Chapter 1- Translated by Stephen Mitchell (1988)

I want to write about this today, because I am about to embark on a 40 day journey with friends and family through a book called May Cause Miracles, by Gabrielle Bernstein.  My biggest concern is that someone would stop reading it or following the course beceause Gabrielle tends to be God heavy in her talk.  But her message is universal and she is not excluding anyone who might not believe in the One True God or who doesn't necessarily pray or believe in "miracles" like Jesus' face on your breakfast toast.  

Over time I have been developing a theory.  How is it that so many different groups can believe so vehemently in their own god and be so sure that their god is the one and only real god?  Because they are right.  Their god is the real, true god and so is yours and if you don't believe in god, it's okay, because their god is the same as your nature, your peaceful calm, and your humanity.  It is all the same.

I believe that every religion is talking about the same things, just using different language.  One of the pitfalls of being a human being is that for us to think about something so abstract, we have to give it some kind of form.  You can't think about nothing.  Thus, over the centuries, different groups have named that feeling, that sense of universe and beginning so that they can think about it and talk to others about it.  How are you going to teach your children about it if you can't name it or describe it?  But as the Tao Te Ching so aptly states, the unnamable is the eternally real.  Naming is where we go wrong, where we divide and rage against each other.  

My background is growing up Catholic.  I love the feeling of being in church and being swept away by that feeling of togetherness, and the sound of the choir.  The reason I started to veer away from the Catholic church is that the Bible tends to personify god.  Our Catholic God tended to be seen as a white bearded male that was benevolent and loving or fierce and destructive. So much power is given to the written word.  And yet, our God is the same god as Yahweh, as Shiva, as the Moon and the Sun, as Nature, as the Universe, as Tao, as the Great Feminine and Masculine, as the Source of all Things.  We are all calling the same thing by different names.  As soon as we name it, we give it properties that it did not previously have.  As soon as we call it something, we have lost the true spirit of it.  Even now I struggle what to say.  As soon as I say we call "it" something, we lose the spirit of "it," I have named it and therefore have given properties to something that is perfectly perfect when left unnamed.  

Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, all the prophets spoke the same message.  Anyone who takes the time to read their stories with an open ear will hear the same things.  Love is the main message.  Acceptance, kindness, detachment from material things, detachment from ego.  They speak in riddles because words alone are not enough.  God, the Source of All Things, the Universe, the Tao, is both black and white, yin and yang.  Opposites are true at the same time.  

As I write this I worry about what my family will think.  I have been brought up to believe that Jesus is God and basically that what I am saying is a bit sacrilegious   I worry that my mother will say "You have forsaken Jesus!  Jesus is the Lord!"  And she's right that he is Lord.  As he said, that God is within us all.  He was God, as am I, as are you.  He is in Muhammad's God.  He is in Yahweh.  How could he not be?  Do we really believe that there are several gods out there? That my God is going to smite your God?  That because you believe in that God (which, by the way, just so happens to be my God) you are going to Hell?  How can we possibly say that God is not in the believer of that other God?  How can we not say that God is in that other God?  He is in everything, yes?  Than how is he not there?  

And I hear how when I talk about God, with a capital G, it becomes a he or she.  It becomes a being, that must have thoughts and feelings.  "He" must have a "plan." "She" must want this thing or that thing to happen. "He" must be responsible for things.  Creation then becomes a planned thing, where God sat down and decided that this and this should happen first, and that should happen second and homosexuality must be evil and women can't be priests.  And if you commit suicide you go to hell, as well as when you have sex before marriage or disagree with the Church (or do anything fun basically).  

In my meditations (same as prayers, people) I have decided not to give just one name.  It helps me from imagining some being somewhere listening to me like Santa Claus come Christmas time with a Naughty and Nice list.  It keeps me centered and focused on the message.  I tend to start my meditations/prayers with Dear God/Source/Universe/Tao/Me/You/Us.  If I'm in a hurry I go with GSU- God, Source, Universe.  It sounds complicated, but giving more names reinforces to me that I am speaking of the feeling, the soul inside of me, the energy field surrounding and within us all, the space where all things begin and end, reality, the present moment.  

I am hoping that more people in the world will begin to see this.  It doesn't matter if you believe in the good old GSU or not.  "It" is there (and nowhere) whether we call it by Yahweh or God or nothing at all.  Thoughts on this?  Love to hear them.  

Chapter 2013, Page 1 of 365

I saw this picture on Facebook.  I can't take credit, but I don't know who to give credit to either.  If this is yours, let me know so I can give you your dues!

While perusing Facebook I saw this picture on a friends page and it called to me.  I wish I could give the artist credit, but I don't know where it came from.  Anyway, the caption, "Chapter 2013, Page 1 of 365..." perfectly describes how I am feeling about this New Year.  Today is an opportunity for many to make changes in their lives, it is a symbolic turning of a new page, a new chapter.  The rest is still all there, the previous chapters are a foundation on which this new one is built, but anything can happen!
Today is New Year's Day.  I began my celebration last night by continuing a family ritual of hiding a silver dollar (a quarter for us) outside to be found the next day.  I'm still working on getting the explanation of why we did that, I can't remember, but we did it anyway.  The quarters are now safely tucked away, the first of many to be saved in the coming years.  We did our best to stay up until midnight, I continued reading the Tao Te Ching, and my husband watched TV until we both fell asleep at about 9:30pm.  Oh well, we're not night owls.  We woke up for the fireworks at midnight, calmed down my dog, who hates them with a passion and went back to sleep.  This morning I continued the celebration with a massive breakfast of bacon and eggs.  I read some more of the Tao Te Ching and went to a workout class at noon.  It was intense, anyone who does Crossfit will know what I mean when I say we did Fran.  For everyone else, I lifted weights and did tons of pullups in a sprint, go as fast as you can workout, and finished in 5:47.  Then walked outside to calm down my stomach and hold my arms which were vibrating and inoperable.  After my body regained it's abilities I went home and took a bath.  If me talking about taking a bath is tmi for some of you more squeamish folks, skip to the next paragraph. Kitty Cavalier's New Year Seduction Ritual kickstarted the idea.  I gathered epsom salt, candles, scented oil, and a stone found on one of my hikes.  I stated my intentions before adding each ingredient and soaked for a while.  My body definitely thanked me.  I love to meditate in the bathtub.
Today's meditation was brought on by something Kyle Cease calls Kylego.  I can't find his explanation of it, he does a lot of his work via video, but basically he was talking about how he prepared for a comedy show he was about to do by pretending that it was already over and that it was amazing.  He had a dialogue about how fabulous the show was, the reaction of the audience and the positive reviews it was getting.  So my meditation used that general idea.  I pretended that it was New Year's Day 2014 and I was taking a bath and reviewing how amazing 2013 was.  I went through some of the events I know I have coming up.  I was thinking about how nervous I was for the first "Lunch and Learn" class I did at the Y and how much more comfortable I had become with practice over the next couple of months.  I thought about the new job with the ginormous salary I got in March that gave me a lot of freedom to schedule my day and do more that I wanted to be doing.  And how that allowed me to really get into my private practice that I started after I passed the MFT exam (with flying colors, by the way.)  I thought about how cool it was that I got to go to Amanda's wedding as well as Jeremy's because I had made so much more money and it wasn't as big of a deal to fly back and forth to the mainland anymore.
Not only did this exercise give me a sense of calm and satisfaction, but it brought up little flashes of insight along the way.  Just a quick example is that I could totally see myself just finishing this stellar talk that uplifted my audience.  They were so excited that they wanted to grab my business card so they could check me out online and see what else I was doing that they could be a part of.  Guess I should make sure I have business cards, right?  How else will they be able to find me?
This was a very insightful exercise and I encourage you to try it.  It sounds weird, but it's super useful.  What did you do to celebrate the first day in the next chapter of your life?