I know some of you may be thinking that I'm being a bit doom and gloom, or depressed, or you might be worried that I am going to do something rash, judging by the title. However, it is totally the opposite. Let me explain.
The other day I was on my way to a local coffee shop to study for my upcoming test. On my way to the door, a disheviled man came out of the door and grabbed a backpack that had been sitting outside on the sidewalk. I walked into the coffee shop and he walked away. When I got to the counter inside, one of the ladies who had been sitting at a table outside the shop came in to tell the man at the counter that the bag had been claimed. Apparently, the group had been concerned about the bag lying unattended and had reported it to the store. With the recent bombings at the Boston Marathon, there have been several cases in Hawaii of stores and building being shut down as the police investigate unattended bags left lying around. The guys at the counter laughed about it probably being a drug deal and everyone went on their way. The guy is a bit of a regular, so no one was that concerned. I got my latte and cracked open the books and forgot about it.
About an hour later, the same man came back inside, carrying two bags, including the one that had been earlier lying around unattended. He went upstairs, and came back down without his bag. He left the store. Hmm. Now, none of the group of ladies from the previous group was there. The guy at the register didn't notice the guy come in. I was the only one noticing this guy and of course, my mind started to go there. Did this guy just leave some kind of explosive device upstairs? I know that he's one of the regulars of Kailua, possibly homeless and on drugs, definitely wanders the street all of the time, I've seen him before. Part of me knew that this was no big deal and yet a part of my mind started to wind up. Images of explosions and screaming and running flashed really quickly through my brain. I could feel a chill go through my body and I tensed up. Even though I know it's not a terrorist attack, my brain is starting to take over and the anxiety is starting to set in. This is where the question above came in handy.
This year I have been practicing daily how to be present in the moment. At random intervals, especially when I am starting to get stressed out, I take a moment to really look around me and see what is reality. What is going on, right now. The practice brings an awesome sense of peace. In that moment, in the coffee shop, I stopped thinking about explosions and looked around. I was in a cute cafe with lots of studious people on their computers. There was good music playing and my friend, Keysa, was sitting at the table with me, reading her own book. It was peaceful and serene and pleasant. And I thought to myself, since really we can die at any moment, for multitudes of reasons, would this be an okay way to die? I was in a great place with a friend. I was doing something enjoyable, preparing for a test that will help me further my career. Everything was totally okay in that moment. So, yes, it would have been an okay time and place to die. The thought brought me a great deal of peace. The tension in my body started to melt away. I had another sip of coffee, and smiled at Keysa. The man came back in the front door, went upstairs and grabbed his bag, ordered a cup of coffee, and grabbed a seat at a table.
The same man got up to grab a napkin near our table a few minutes later and we couldn't help but overhear as he repeated to himself, "I am a cat, I am a cat, I am a cat." The man was totally harmless, not quite in his right mind, but no terrorist. And I am so grateful that I didn't waste any more of my precious time on this earth spinning my mind and worrying that I was going to blow up. It would have been a waste. Even if there was a bomb in his bag that day, I would have wasted my last moments with fear. I've always thought it would be so much better to go with a contented smile on my face.
What are your thoughts? Is today an okay day to die?
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spirituality. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Drugs and Spirituality
So the other night I was drinking a Guinness my husband got me for St Patrick's Day weekend and watching Oprah's Supersoul Sunday, and Oprah was interviewing Debbie Ford. Debbie was speaking about a point in her life when she first saw God, back when she was in a treatment facility. Oprah then asked her whether she had had this spiritual awakening while on drugs, or while off of drugs. What a great question!
This episode got me thinking, since I was watching Debbie Ford while drinking beer. It got me thinking about why we drink or do drugs at all. What is the draw? We know all of the possible negative side effects. We've lived through the poor decisions made while drunk or high and we've survived the hangovers the next day. So why would we ever do it more than once? Why isn't it an obvious lesson learned the first time around?
Obviously, alcohol and drug addiction is a complicated topic that can't all be addressed in one blog post. There is the physical addiction side, which I am not delving into at all. What I propose to talk about here is only a slight aspect of a much bigger conversation, but one that I found intriguing to consider.
Did your spiritual experience happen while you were on drugs or while you were recovering? We hear so many stories from those leaders who had a spiritual awakening when they hit their "rock bottom" and decided to live a different kind of life. But, many people have had spiritual experiences while drinking or doing drugs. And the intriguing thought for me was that, maybe, in the beginning, this is why someone would gravitate towards mind-altering activities. I doubt very much this is a mindful decision, "Hmm, maybe if I snort some cocaine, I will find God..." That's not what I'm saying. But there is always something we are looking for before trying something new. Social acceptance, a distraction from how we currently feel, relaxation, or energy, for example. We just don't know what it is we are looking for. And so very sane and reasonable people try some very out of the box behaviors.
When you have your first beer, drink, toke, snort, shot, and I don't know the lingo for what else, the theory that I am exploring is, that maybe you are able to, in that moment, relax enough to tune in to the present moment. To shut your ego down. To stop comparing yourself to others and believe that you are of value. To see how all things in the world are connected. To believe that everything that happens to you has a reason and a lesson and for a moment we can be grateful for what we have now. For that moment, the quality of the chair your sitting in and the decorations of your location aren't important. It's enough that you are alive and being provided for. That first drink helps you get in touch with and see your attractive, witty, and intelligent side. The beauty is that the drinks and drugs don't make you a better person, a more introspective person, a more outgoing person, but they block your ego and for just a little while you can be in touch with your true nature, your purpose and your inner guide. In the beginning, maybe it helps you see God, because your barriers are down and you allow yourself to trust and have faith.
All of these feelings, which are wonderful and breathtaking and worthy of wanting to feel again, unfortunately don't last long with drugs and alcohol. Unfortunately, I believe that so many people stumble upon these feelings accidentally and then falsely attribute the drugs or alcohol with the responsibility of getting you there. There is a false belief that it is the only way to feel that good, or maybe just the easiest and fastest way. But studies and history reveal that although in the beginning drugs and alcohol might feel good, they soon overtake your life. The second, third and fourth drink don't bring you that feeling, it makes you sick. Another shot of heroine or snort of cocaine doesn't bring you that feeling, it makes you sick. And over time the drugs and alcohol don't bring you that feeling at all. You go through your day in a depressed fog looking for the drugs and alcohol to bring you to some semblance of normal, or at least not like complete shit, but not closer to God. Because you didn't know that's what you were looking for in the first place.
Many things in life start for one reason, but continue for another. Recovery is a complex and individual path. I'm not suggesting that becoming spiritual is a direct and easy path to healing yourself from a life of drugs and alcohol (I believe it is a part of the journey, however). I am simply looking at one piece of this issue, which has more to do with preventing others from getting there in the first place.
Is this a crazy thought that we are all looking for our spiritual path, we just don't realize it? Maybe. I do think that we have a responsibility to teach our children that there are a million ways to feel good. We have a responsibility to show them that there are healthy ways to feel strong, confident, witty, connected, smart, and in tune with their inner self. It's not about praising kids for everything they do, or keeping them from ever failing or making a mistake. It's about showing them how exciting life is in the day to day. How awesome it feels to hang upside down from the jungle gym. How wonderful it can feel to share something with a friend. How moving your body through playing games, and sports and even just in spinning in circles or running through mud can bring you joy. Then, maybe when they are teenagers (hopefully not middle schoolers, but come on people, you know our kids are growing up fast) when they do try that cigarette, that joint or that wine cooler at a party, they will recognize the feeling for what it is. And they will know that they can just as easily get that high from sitting in silence, reading a good book, or playing a game.
Your thoughts? Would love to hear them.
This episode got me thinking, since I was watching Debbie Ford while drinking beer. It got me thinking about why we drink or do drugs at all. What is the draw? We know all of the possible negative side effects. We've lived through the poor decisions made while drunk or high and we've survived the hangovers the next day. So why would we ever do it more than once? Why isn't it an obvious lesson learned the first time around?
Obviously, alcohol and drug addiction is a complicated topic that can't all be addressed in one blog post. There is the physical addiction side, which I am not delving into at all. What I propose to talk about here is only a slight aspect of a much bigger conversation, but one that I found intriguing to consider.
Did your spiritual experience happen while you were on drugs or while you were recovering? We hear so many stories from those leaders who had a spiritual awakening when they hit their "rock bottom" and decided to live a different kind of life. But, many people have had spiritual experiences while drinking or doing drugs. And the intriguing thought for me was that, maybe, in the beginning, this is why someone would gravitate towards mind-altering activities. I doubt very much this is a mindful decision, "Hmm, maybe if I snort some cocaine, I will find God..." That's not what I'm saying. But there is always something we are looking for before trying something new. Social acceptance, a distraction from how we currently feel, relaxation, or energy, for example. We just don't know what it is we are looking for. And so very sane and reasonable people try some very out of the box behaviors.
When you have your first beer, drink, toke, snort, shot, and I don't know the lingo for what else, the theory that I am exploring is, that maybe you are able to, in that moment, relax enough to tune in to the present moment. To shut your ego down. To stop comparing yourself to others and believe that you are of value. To see how all things in the world are connected. To believe that everything that happens to you has a reason and a lesson and for a moment we can be grateful for what we have now. For that moment, the quality of the chair your sitting in and the decorations of your location aren't important. It's enough that you are alive and being provided for. That first drink helps you get in touch with and see your attractive, witty, and intelligent side. The beauty is that the drinks and drugs don't make you a better person, a more introspective person, a more outgoing person, but they block your ego and for just a little while you can be in touch with your true nature, your purpose and your inner guide. In the beginning, maybe it helps you see God, because your barriers are down and you allow yourself to trust and have faith.
All of these feelings, which are wonderful and breathtaking and worthy of wanting to feel again, unfortunately don't last long with drugs and alcohol. Unfortunately, I believe that so many people stumble upon these feelings accidentally and then falsely attribute the drugs or alcohol with the responsibility of getting you there. There is a false belief that it is the only way to feel that good, or maybe just the easiest and fastest way. But studies and history reveal that although in the beginning drugs and alcohol might feel good, they soon overtake your life. The second, third and fourth drink don't bring you that feeling, it makes you sick. Another shot of heroine or snort of cocaine doesn't bring you that feeling, it makes you sick. And over time the drugs and alcohol don't bring you that feeling at all. You go through your day in a depressed fog looking for the drugs and alcohol to bring you to some semblance of normal, or at least not like complete shit, but not closer to God. Because you didn't know that's what you were looking for in the first place.
Many things in life start for one reason, but continue for another. Recovery is a complex and individual path. I'm not suggesting that becoming spiritual is a direct and easy path to healing yourself from a life of drugs and alcohol (I believe it is a part of the journey, however). I am simply looking at one piece of this issue, which has more to do with preventing others from getting there in the first place.
Is this a crazy thought that we are all looking for our spiritual path, we just don't realize it? Maybe. I do think that we have a responsibility to teach our children that there are a million ways to feel good. We have a responsibility to show them that there are healthy ways to feel strong, confident, witty, connected, smart, and in tune with their inner self. It's not about praising kids for everything they do, or keeping them from ever failing or making a mistake. It's about showing them how exciting life is in the day to day. How awesome it feels to hang upside down from the jungle gym. How wonderful it can feel to share something with a friend. How moving your body through playing games, and sports and even just in spinning in circles or running through mud can bring you joy. Then, maybe when they are teenagers (hopefully not middle schoolers, but come on people, you know our kids are growing up fast) when they do try that cigarette, that joint or that wine cooler at a party, they will recognize the feeling for what it is. And they will know that they can just as easily get that high from sitting in silence, reading a good book, or playing a game.
Your thoughts? Would love to hear them.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
The "F" Word
"Forgiving means giving up all hope for a better past," - Jack Kornfield, PhD
"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different"- heard on Oprah, although she may have just been re-quoting the above from Jack Kornfield.
I was reading the introduction chapter to "Week 4, Relationships" in Gabby Bernstein's book, May Cause Miracles. It triggered a bit of an "aha" moment and so I went back to the first week, Day 5, where she first spoke about the idea of the "F" word. She says, "Practicing forgiveness allows us to let go of our old fear-based past and center into the present moment." It brought to me the memory of listening to Iyanla Vanzant on Oprah and Iyanla Vanzant Live from St. Louis: Stopping the Pain discuss forgiveness and how we get stuck in our old stories. It gave me chills, she was interviewing an addict, Steve, who kept telling his negative story over and over and that's what he identified with. I didn't re-watch the video, so I don't remember the exact words that she used, but her lesson of letting go of our stories to move on was a life-changing one.
I think very often people get confused about forgiveness. It probably goes back to those lessons we learned in Kindergarten. I still see it constantly today, since I work at a school. "Mrs Robinson, he hit me!" "Bobby, tell Maria you're sorry." "Maria, I'm sorry." "It's okay, Bobby."
Anybody remember that scenario? As children, adults were constantly giving us the message that as soon as someone says they are sorry, we were to "forgive" them. And as good children we would play the story out by saying "It's okay" and shake hands or give hugs. It's not that this is a bad lesson, necessarily. It's just not complete. Whenever I come across this scenario I make sure to add a little more to it. It's important to tell our children that they can look someone in the eyes and say, "I didn't like what you did." When kids say to me, "He hit me (or whatever)" the first thing I ask is, "Did you tell him stop and that you didn't like it?" Sometimes I'll coach them through it, but I don't force it, if they are feeling hurt, but they've now heard that that is an option. I ask the puncher if he/she in fact hit the other one. Kids are awesome. They usually admit to it, usually with a "He/she did this first!" scenario. I have them look at each other and they will both apologize if they did something offensive or just one if it was unprovoked. Then I tell them that they do not have to be friends, but they have to be kind to each other and it's not okay to hit.
The difference in the two scenarios is that I'm giving power back to the "victim." I don't want our kids to think that whenever someone hits them or otherwise offends them, all they can do is find someone else, who will make it stop and make you be friends again. I want our kids to know that they can be strong, speak up for themselves and forgive, but not in a way that allows the other person to victimize them over and over again.
Now, given our incomplete lessons in our childhood about forgiveness, I can understand why someone would not want to forgive an abusive parent or partner, the person who is responsible for causing harm to their child, a shooter who goes into a school and opens fire. "Seriously, forgive this person? They said they're sorry, and I say, "It's okay?" I don't think so, how about I tell them to fuck off instead?" That is how I imagine this conversation to go. No, we do not want to tell an abusive parent or partner, the person who is responsible for causing harm to their child, a shooter who goes into a school and opens fire, "Oh, don't worry about it, it's okay, let's move on and be friends." No, it's not okay. It was wrong. An innocent person was taken advantage of or caused serious harm. That is never "okay."
So what the hell is all this business about forgiveness? Why would you ever want to forgive someone who took advantage of you or another innocent person? What about a child molester or rapist? What about the parents who kill their own children? It is important first, to get clear about what forgiveness is.
Forgiveness is not about smoothing over something and being friends again. It's about speaking up for what we need, doing something about it and getting our power back. Part of getting our power back is releasing the story.
When a sudden trauma or offense happens we get a rush of adrenaline, norepiniphrine and cortisol and all other kinds of sciency biological things that give us a rush of energy. The energy helps us get through the event. Our bodies get pumped full of stuff that will help us if we need to fight someone off or run. This is great and very helpful if there is actually something to fight or run away from. The problems begin to arise after the fact when we replay the story out loud or in our minds. Our brains can't really tell the difference, that you're just retelling a story and so the remembering is accompanied by another rush of those stress hormones and we get a kick of energy as if it's happening right now. We also get a lot of attention from others when we have a good story and the more wronged you were or the more gory, scary, sad and upsetting the scenario, the more attention you get. And so we tell the story again and again, and often the story is embellished or given more detail. This is only a small piece of the puzzle, and I am only diving very briefly into how these stories get stuck in our minds, in a very basic way. There is obviously way more to trauma and anxiety than this. Please, if you need to know more, check the listing of some helpful websites I've added below and feel free to add information in the comments section.
I believe in general, in life, if something is enhancing your life, increasing your happiness, bringing you closer to your purpose and your joy, then you should keep it. If something is giving you an icky feeling, bringing you down, causing you to be negative towards yourself and others, get rid of it or change it. Here's where forgiveness and storytelling come together.
Forgiveness is simply a willingness to heal. The moment you decide that you don't want to stay sick anymore. Forgiveness is the moment you stop telling the same story and allow a new story to unfold. The quote from Oprah, "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different." really does it for me. Our storytelling so often focuses on the negative and part of us wants the story (which, again, our brains react to as if it's happening right now) to be different. But it already happened. There is no changing the past. There is no time machine to take us back and we retell the story over and over wishing it could be different and the "shoulds" pop into our heads. I should have stood up for myself/made a phone call/escaped the situation/said something more clever.
It's like every time someone asks me about 9/11 and the terrorist attacks, I have to pull out the same magazine article and read it to you hoping the ending will be different. The article outlines the facts, the timeline, the personal stories of every survivor, the experts' opinions on why the terrorists did what they did, the phone calls made by the passengers in the planes, the images of the twin towers in smoke before they fell, and the fear that the world felt in the aftermath. Every time you ask me about 9/11 I pull the article from my back pocket, unfold it and read and every time it's the same and my brain reacts like it's happening right now and I get stressed out and wish things were different. The terrorists shouldn't have done this, the world should be different, my friend/family member shouldn't have been in New York, or even for some people, the survivor's guilt of why was it them and not me?
Forgiveness is simply a willingness to heal. The moment you decide that you don't want to stay sick anymore. Forgiveness is the moment you stop telling the same story and allow a new story to unfold. What if, in this example, you ask me about that day, I simply tell you that it was a sad day that changed the world. And I go on to tell you about how amazing the people of New York City were that day. How they all calmly helped each other and evacuated without panic. How professionals of all backgrounds gathered in the City to help in any way they could, free of charge. How I have decided that I will not let the terrorists scare me away from flying and that they did not win. They thought they were coming here to scare America into submission, but we did not fall. Their planes did not all hit targets because brave passengers became superheroes that day. What if, instead of retelling the horrors, I focused on the positive. In this example, it would be like me pulling the old magazine article out of my pocket and leaving it folded. Acknowledging its existence, but then putting it back into my pocket, so I could focus on the positive, and the present. Telling a different story does not take away those thoughts and images that are still there in that article, but I don't have to relive it.
Forgiveness is for you. It is not for the other person. I forgive the terrorists who flew those planes because I need to move on with my life. What happens/happened to them is up to God and our governments. Forgiving terrorists does not mean accepting terrorism. It doesn't matter if they know that I forgave them or not. It has nothing to do with them. Am I saying that event was okay? No way. But if I continue to unfold that magazine article over and over again, I will never move on. And then the terrorist wins. If I can forgive those terrorists, I can forgive anyone. And move on and create a positive present and future.
Do you have any events in your life that you have stories you can't let go of? Bad relationships, car accidents, trauma? Do you pull that article out every time you think about it? Is it possible for you to acknowledge it and put it back where it belongs? Can you tell a new story with the focus on now? What are your thoughts? Please share below.
A few helpful websites:
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different"- heard on Oprah, although she may have just been re-quoting the above from Jack Kornfield.
I was reading the introduction chapter to "Week 4, Relationships" in Gabby Bernstein's book, May Cause Miracles. It triggered a bit of an "aha" moment and so I went back to the first week, Day 5, where she first spoke about the idea of the "F" word. She says, "Practicing forgiveness allows us to let go of our old fear-based past and center into the present moment." It brought to me the memory of listening to Iyanla Vanzant on Oprah and Iyanla Vanzant Live from St. Louis: Stopping the Pain discuss forgiveness and how we get stuck in our old stories. It gave me chills, she was interviewing an addict, Steve, who kept telling his negative story over and over and that's what he identified with. I didn't re-watch the video, so I don't remember the exact words that she used, but her lesson of letting go of our stories to move on was a life-changing one.
I think very often people get confused about forgiveness. It probably goes back to those lessons we learned in Kindergarten. I still see it constantly today, since I work at a school. "Mrs Robinson, he hit me!" "Bobby, tell Maria you're sorry." "Maria, I'm sorry." "It's okay, Bobby."
Anybody remember that scenario? As children, adults were constantly giving us the message that as soon as someone says they are sorry, we were to "forgive" them. And as good children we would play the story out by saying "It's okay" and shake hands or give hugs. It's not that this is a bad lesson, necessarily. It's just not complete. Whenever I come across this scenario I make sure to add a little more to it. It's important to tell our children that they can look someone in the eyes and say, "I didn't like what you did." When kids say to me, "He hit me (or whatever)" the first thing I ask is, "Did you tell him stop and that you didn't like it?" Sometimes I'll coach them through it, but I don't force it, if they are feeling hurt, but they've now heard that that is an option. I ask the puncher if he/she in fact hit the other one. Kids are awesome. They usually admit to it, usually with a "He/she did this first!" scenario. I have them look at each other and they will both apologize if they did something offensive or just one if it was unprovoked. Then I tell them that they do not have to be friends, but they have to be kind to each other and it's not okay to hit.
The difference in the two scenarios is that I'm giving power back to the "victim." I don't want our kids to think that whenever someone hits them or otherwise offends them, all they can do is find someone else, who will make it stop and make you be friends again. I want our kids to know that they can be strong, speak up for themselves and forgive, but not in a way that allows the other person to victimize them over and over again.
Now, given our incomplete lessons in our childhood about forgiveness, I can understand why someone would not want to forgive an abusive parent or partner, the person who is responsible for causing harm to their child, a shooter who goes into a school and opens fire. "Seriously, forgive this person? They said they're sorry, and I say, "It's okay?" I don't think so, how about I tell them to fuck off instead?" That is how I imagine this conversation to go. No, we do not want to tell an abusive parent or partner, the person who is responsible for causing harm to their child, a shooter who goes into a school and opens fire, "Oh, don't worry about it, it's okay, let's move on and be friends." No, it's not okay. It was wrong. An innocent person was taken advantage of or caused serious harm. That is never "okay."
So what the hell is all this business about forgiveness? Why would you ever want to forgive someone who took advantage of you or another innocent person? What about a child molester or rapist? What about the parents who kill their own children? It is important first, to get clear about what forgiveness is.
Forgiveness is not about smoothing over something and being friends again. It's about speaking up for what we need, doing something about it and getting our power back. Part of getting our power back is releasing the story.
When a sudden trauma or offense happens we get a rush of adrenaline, norepiniphrine and cortisol and all other kinds of sciency biological things that give us a rush of energy. The energy helps us get through the event. Our bodies get pumped full of stuff that will help us if we need to fight someone off or run. This is great and very helpful if there is actually something to fight or run away from. The problems begin to arise after the fact when we replay the story out loud or in our minds. Our brains can't really tell the difference, that you're just retelling a story and so the remembering is accompanied by another rush of those stress hormones and we get a kick of energy as if it's happening right now. We also get a lot of attention from others when we have a good story and the more wronged you were or the more gory, scary, sad and upsetting the scenario, the more attention you get. And so we tell the story again and again, and often the story is embellished or given more detail. This is only a small piece of the puzzle, and I am only diving very briefly into how these stories get stuck in our minds, in a very basic way. There is obviously way more to trauma and anxiety than this. Please, if you need to know more, check the listing of some helpful websites I've added below and feel free to add information in the comments section.
I believe in general, in life, if something is enhancing your life, increasing your happiness, bringing you closer to your purpose and your joy, then you should keep it. If something is giving you an icky feeling, bringing you down, causing you to be negative towards yourself and others, get rid of it or change it. Here's where forgiveness and storytelling come together.
Forgiveness is simply a willingness to heal. The moment you decide that you don't want to stay sick anymore. Forgiveness is the moment you stop telling the same story and allow a new story to unfold. The quote from Oprah, "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different." really does it for me. Our storytelling so often focuses on the negative and part of us wants the story (which, again, our brains react to as if it's happening right now) to be different. But it already happened. There is no changing the past. There is no time machine to take us back and we retell the story over and over wishing it could be different and the "shoulds" pop into our heads. I should have stood up for myself/made a phone call/escaped the situation/said something more clever.
It's like every time someone asks me about 9/11 and the terrorist attacks, I have to pull out the same magazine article and read it to you hoping the ending will be different. The article outlines the facts, the timeline, the personal stories of every survivor, the experts' opinions on why the terrorists did what they did, the phone calls made by the passengers in the planes, the images of the twin towers in smoke before they fell, and the fear that the world felt in the aftermath. Every time you ask me about 9/11 I pull the article from my back pocket, unfold it and read and every time it's the same and my brain reacts like it's happening right now and I get stressed out and wish things were different. The terrorists shouldn't have done this, the world should be different, my friend/family member shouldn't have been in New York, or even for some people, the survivor's guilt of why was it them and not me?
Forgiveness is simply a willingness to heal. The moment you decide that you don't want to stay sick anymore. Forgiveness is the moment you stop telling the same story and allow a new story to unfold. What if, in this example, you ask me about that day, I simply tell you that it was a sad day that changed the world. And I go on to tell you about how amazing the people of New York City were that day. How they all calmly helped each other and evacuated without panic. How professionals of all backgrounds gathered in the City to help in any way they could, free of charge. How I have decided that I will not let the terrorists scare me away from flying and that they did not win. They thought they were coming here to scare America into submission, but we did not fall. Their planes did not all hit targets because brave passengers became superheroes that day. What if, instead of retelling the horrors, I focused on the positive. In this example, it would be like me pulling the old magazine article out of my pocket and leaving it folded. Acknowledging its existence, but then putting it back into my pocket, so I could focus on the positive, and the present. Telling a different story does not take away those thoughts and images that are still there in that article, but I don't have to relive it.
Forgiveness is for you. It is not for the other person. I forgive the terrorists who flew those planes because I need to move on with my life. What happens/happened to them is up to God and our governments. Forgiving terrorists does not mean accepting terrorism. It doesn't matter if they know that I forgave them or not. It has nothing to do with them. Am I saying that event was okay? No way. But if I continue to unfold that magazine article over and over again, I will never move on. And then the terrorist wins. If I can forgive those terrorists, I can forgive anyone. And move on and create a positive present and future.
Do you have any events in your life that you have stories you can't let go of? Bad relationships, car accidents, trauma? Do you pull that article out every time you think about it? Is it possible for you to acknowledge it and put it back where it belongs? Can you tell a new story with the focus on now? What are your thoughts? Please share below.
A few helpful websites:
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Monday, February 4, 2013
Juggling My Resolutions
This year I am mostly focusing on manifesting my Core Desired Feelings (see Danielle Laporte's work) in every moment, in the present as well as focusing on these in both my short and long-term goals. This, so far, has been going splendidly. Especially when it comes to pausing in my day to see if I am manifesting those feelings RIGHT NOW. And if not, I do something that will. I suppose it's either human nature or because I am new at this, but because everything has been so lovely, I'm having difficulty focusing on my strategy. I know in life that I have a list of things I would like to work towards, but are going to take some time. I would like to be more spiritual, more minimalistic in my lifestyle, eat what my body needs, avoid toxins, play more, and move my employment from a "job" that I do to something that will knock my own socks right off. This is quite a bit to work on. When I think about it all together, it becomes a bit overwhelming. When I remember to stay present, to focus on one thing at a time, it provokes a lot less anxiety. Even so, in every moment I have to think about which part of this I want to focus on. At my current job, I have to do my job. This is where it's the easiest. I have certain things that I need to do, so while I am doing then I do my best to present in the moment and complete all tasks to the best of my ability. It's been fun figuring out how to do it with a good attitude.
Then I have a break. Here's where I have been playing it by ear. Do I study for my MFT licensure exam? Passing this exam will get me closer to having freedom in employment. It's a worthwhile expenditure of my time. Should I meditate? This will center me, bring me back to the present moment, strengthen my spirituality. Have a snack? Sometimes I forget. I am doing my best to feed my body healthy food before I become ravenously hungry. Do something fun? Should I fantasize about what my dream job will look like? Use the restroom? Do some pushups? Read an inspirational blog?
I know that all of these are acceptable. I am the type of person that gets very excited and animated when it comes to new things. I have since the new year started the May Cause Miracles book and am following the 40 day program with a group of friends in a book club. I am studying for my licensure exam which I will be taking in May. I am reading very slowly the book A Course in Miracles. I am following a blog about minimalism and reading all things Mark Sisson, Robb Wolf, Lissa Rankin, Martha Beck, Dr. Mercola, etc. The only problem with this is that I can't do everything at once.
Putting this into writing is extraordinarily helpful for me. As I write this I am constantly having ideas about what I can do to make things simpler. Today I will sit down and create a priority list. Like a breaktime map. It will probably start with a brief meditation. What do you all think about this? What tools do you use to keep your life simple and manageable?
Then I have a break. Here's where I have been playing it by ear. Do I study for my MFT licensure exam? Passing this exam will get me closer to having freedom in employment. It's a worthwhile expenditure of my time. Should I meditate? This will center me, bring me back to the present moment, strengthen my spirituality. Have a snack? Sometimes I forget. I am doing my best to feed my body healthy food before I become ravenously hungry. Do something fun? Should I fantasize about what my dream job will look like? Use the restroom? Do some pushups? Read an inspirational blog?
I know that all of these are acceptable. I am the type of person that gets very excited and animated when it comes to new things. I have since the new year started the May Cause Miracles book and am following the 40 day program with a group of friends in a book club. I am studying for my licensure exam which I will be taking in May. I am reading very slowly the book A Course in Miracles. I am following a blog about minimalism and reading all things Mark Sisson, Robb Wolf, Lissa Rankin, Martha Beck, Dr. Mercola, etc. The only problem with this is that I can't do everything at once.
Putting this into writing is extraordinarily helpful for me. As I write this I am constantly having ideas about what I can do to make things simpler. Today I will sit down and create a priority list. Like a breaktime map. It will probably start with a brief meditation. What do you all think about this? What tools do you use to keep your life simple and manageable?
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Day 4 of Miracle Creation
Each moment you choose love over fear is a miracle. - Gabrielle Bernstein, May Cause Miracles.
Our book club has been working through the May Cause Miracles book. Some of us are on day 4, some on day 3. I like the way the first couple of days are very simple. The first day, being willing to witness your fear, was a powerful one. You don't do anything about it, you don't judge. You just see it. Today's exercise had you go back to your day 1 journal entry and write about your fears from a perspective of gratitude. This one was more difficult than I thought. I've worked through a lot of stuff over the past couple of years, but it's always interesting to uncover that next layer that you weren't aware of. For instance, my resolution for this year was to do my best to eat healthy without doing a challenge. Instead I was going to keep in mind the Core Desired Feelings I came up with while reading Danielle Laporte's Fire Starter Sessions. This has turned out to be a fabulous idea. I have not felt the drive to jump on the scale and see if it moved. I have not felt the fear that if I eat a pancake, I would be betraying myself and my body and the paleo gods! Instead I pack my regular breakfast and lunch. I make myself dinner. When I am offered something outside of what I consider to be "real food" I say go for it! You can eat whatever you want. And I also think, is this going to make you feel Clear, Connected, Powerful, Energized, and Free? The answer is not always the same. A co-worker really wanted me to taste some jelly she made from scratch. I said yes, I would taste it for her, because she means a lot to me (connected) and it was yummy! But very often my answer is "No thankyou, I don't eat that anymore." What does this have to do with my fears? Well, writing today I realized that now that we've been in the New Year for quite sometime, and I've been feeling pretty darn excellent for a good 50 some odd days. That sounds wonderful! The fear that pops up for me is, how long do I get to enjoy this? When will the balloon pop and send me crashing back down to reality?
Too often we get caught up in the emotions of others. I hear over and over again that it won't last. That something will happen. And I have to remind myself that stuff has been happening. I've just been joyful while stuff is happening. Being late to work and getting "scolded" or sitting up with my sick dog or having my husband barely able to breathe during Christmastime due to chemical pneumonia he picked up from the painters spraying cleaning solution while he was home. All of our salt water fish dying, including the eel that just yesterday suicided out the back of the tank, again because the painters sprayed some chemicals into our house. My mother not talking to me because of a disagreement. My friend's cat dying while I sat with it. A friend's breakup. All of this happened since November time. But through it all there has been a consistent sense of calm and trust. Trust that everything is as it should be. That we give things meaning- positive or negative- but otherwise they just are. They just happen.
So being happy for this long feels great, but it also goes against everything I'm used to before learning from some great teachers. I've always had the belief that we go through good times and bad times, that it cycles through. The old beliefs are hard to shake. They pop up when we least expect them. So on Day 4 I recognize that my fear that some kind of downward cycle is on it's way. And I'm just going to breathe in and breathe out. And relax. And question my thoughts when they come up. And have a joyful day tomorrow and enjoy the delicious moment that is right now.
Too often we get caught up in the emotions of others. I hear over and over again that it won't last. That something will happen. And I have to remind myself that stuff has been happening. I've just been joyful while stuff is happening. Being late to work and getting "scolded" or sitting up with my sick dog or having my husband barely able to breathe during Christmastime due to chemical pneumonia he picked up from the painters spraying cleaning solution while he was home. All of our salt water fish dying, including the eel that just yesterday suicided out the back of the tank, again because the painters sprayed some chemicals into our house. My mother not talking to me because of a disagreement. My friend's cat dying while I sat with it. A friend's breakup. All of this happened since November time. But through it all there has been a consistent sense of calm and trust. Trust that everything is as it should be. That we give things meaning- positive or negative- but otherwise they just are. They just happen.
So being happy for this long feels great, but it also goes against everything I'm used to before learning from some great teachers. I've always had the belief that we go through good times and bad times, that it cycles through. The old beliefs are hard to shake. They pop up when we least expect them. So on Day 4 I recognize that my fear that some kind of downward cycle is on it's way. And I'm just going to breathe in and breathe out. And relax. And question my thoughts when they come up. And have a joyful day tomorrow and enjoy the delicious moment that is right now.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
May Cause Miracles, My 40 Day Journey
My 2013 has so far been pretty great. I have been eating food that I know is good for my body. I have been following my intuition when making decisions. I have been more honest with everyone including myself. These were all resolutions of mine, objectives really, under the main goal- to be more spiritual this year. The one objective that I have been having some difficulty with is that I would like to meditate more. On one hand I have been more present in each moment, and have been doing "mini-meditations," a few minutes here and there to be silent and aware of my surroundings. What I really would like to incorporate is a more consistent meditation on a regular basis. A for real 10-20 minutes of time on a meditation pillow in my meditation spot. The roadblocks to my meditation are definitely mental. I think, "20 minutes! That's a long time!" I think, "I hate sitting still!" I think, "My husband will think I'm dumb!" These are all silly. I just spent 20 minutes on Facebook reading posts from people I haven't spoken to in 15 years and who I wasn't actually friends with in the first place. I can find 20 minutes. I don't actually hate sitting still. I actually love meditating when I sit my ass down to do it, on the meditation pillow I made for that very purpose. My husband does not think I'm dumb when I meditate, in fact, he encourages it. I have a pillow, an extra bedroom that is messy but has a clear middle area where I have meditated before and I even have a little tray that I put together a while ago complete with a candle, some incense, mala beads, rosary beads and some pretty rocks. It's like a mobile altar. So what's holding me back? Good question.
Recently a friend posted in one of my favorite Facebook groups about joining a book club for the new book by one of our favorite authors, Gabrielle Bernstein. It's called May Cause Miracles. It literally just became available to the public. It's a 40 day guidebook written by a meditation guru. Hmmm, definitely a sign. So I ordered one for myself and one for my sister so she can join the book club that I created for this very purpose. I'm hoping others will join us. (If you're reading this, feel free to join us! Here's the link!) We will begin the 40 days this coming Sunday, January 27, since Gabby suggests that you start on a Sunday.
So far I have read the introduction. My favorite quote so far is "Simply put, every time you choose love over fear is a miracle." I love this definition of miracle because it simplifies it and makes it accessible to everyone, all religions including atheist. In my last blog post, Religion is Just a Language, I talk about how the words we choose to describe our spirituality can sometimes create barriers and this definition serves to include us all.
Since we are starting our 40 day journey next Sunday this week is for preparation. I will locate my meditation pillow and make it accessible. I will figure out when to set my alarm to give myself enough time for meditation before work. I will set aside some time at night to meditate. I will go through my traveling altar and make sure everything is there and that I have matches or a lighter and my timer. I should dust off my journal that I haven't written in since December 23, 2012. (I just located it and opened it to see when the last time was.) And last of all, I am going to read the "Week 1" intro to prepare for Sunday.
Join me if you'd like, I think it is going to be a blast!
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Religion is just a Language
"The tao that can be told
is not the eternal Tao
The name that can be named
is not the eternal Name.
The unnamable is the eternally real.
Naming is the origin
of all particular things."
From the Tao Te Ching, Chapter 1- Translated by Stephen Mitchell (1988)
I want to write about this today, because I am about to embark on a 40 day journey with friends and family through a book called May Cause Miracles, by Gabrielle Bernstein. My biggest concern is that someone would stop reading it or following the course beceause Gabrielle tends to be God heavy in her talk. But her message is universal and she is not excluding anyone who might not believe in the One True God or who doesn't necessarily pray or believe in "miracles" like Jesus' face on your breakfast toast.
Over time I have been developing a theory. How is it that so many different groups can believe so vehemently in their own god and be so sure that their god is the one and only real god? Because they are right. Their god is the real, true god and so is yours and if you don't believe in god, it's okay, because their god is the same as your nature, your peaceful calm, and your humanity. It is all the same.
I believe that every religion is talking about the same things, just using different language. One of the pitfalls of being a human being is that for us to think about something so abstract, we have to give it some kind of form. You can't think about nothing. Thus, over the centuries, different groups have named that feeling, that sense of universe and beginning so that they can think about it and talk to others about it. How are you going to teach your children about it if you can't name it or describe it? But as the Tao Te Ching so aptly states, the unnamable is the eternally real. Naming is where we go wrong, where we divide and rage against each other.
My background is growing up Catholic. I love the feeling of being in church and being swept away by that feeling of togetherness, and the sound of the choir. The reason I started to veer away from the Catholic church is that the Bible tends to personify god. Our Catholic God tended to be seen as a white bearded male that was benevolent and loving or fierce and destructive. So much power is given to the written word. And yet, our God is the same god as Yahweh, as Shiva, as the Moon and the Sun, as Nature, as the Universe, as Tao, as the Great Feminine and Masculine, as the Source of all Things. We are all calling the same thing by different names. As soon as we name it, we give it properties that it did not previously have. As soon as we call it something, we have lost the true spirit of it. Even now I struggle what to say. As soon as I say we call "it" something, we lose the spirit of "it," I have named it and therefore have given properties to something that is perfectly perfect when left unnamed.
Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, all the prophets spoke the same message. Anyone who takes the time to read their stories with an open ear will hear the same things. Love is the main message. Acceptance, kindness, detachment from material things, detachment from ego. They speak in riddles because words alone are not enough. God, the Source of All Things, the Universe, the Tao, is both black and white, yin and yang. Opposites are true at the same time.
As I write this I worry about what my family will think. I have been brought up to believe that Jesus is God and basically that what I am saying is a bit sacrilegious I worry that my mother will say "You have forsaken Jesus! Jesus is the Lord!" And she's right that he is Lord. As he said, that God is within us all. He was God, as am I, as are you. He is in Muhammad's God. He is in Yahweh. How could he not be? Do we really believe that there are several gods out there? That my God is going to smite your God? That because you believe in that God (which, by the way, just so happens to be my God) you are going to Hell? How can we possibly say that God is not in the believer of that other God? How can we not say that God is in that other God? He is in everything, yes? Than how is he not there?
And I hear how when I talk about God, with a capital G, it becomes a he or she. It becomes a being, that must have thoughts and feelings. "He" must have a "plan." "She" must want this thing or that thing to happen. "He" must be responsible for things. Creation then becomes a planned thing, where God sat down and decided that this and this should happen first, and that should happen second and homosexuality must be evil and women can't be priests. And if you commit suicide you go to hell, as well as when you have sex before marriage or disagree with the Church (or do anything fun basically).
In my meditations (same as prayers, people) I have decided not to give just one name. It helps me from imagining some being somewhere listening to me like Santa Claus come Christmas time with a Naughty and Nice list. It keeps me centered and focused on the message. I tend to start my meditations/prayers with Dear God/Source/Universe/Tao/Me/You/Us. If I'm in a hurry I go with GSU- God, Source, Universe. It sounds complicated, but giving more names reinforces to me that I am speaking of the feeling, the soul inside of me, the energy field surrounding and within us all, the space where all things begin and end, reality, the present moment.
I am hoping that more people in the world will begin to see this. It doesn't matter if you believe in the good old GSU or not. "It" is there (and nowhere) whether we call it by Yahweh or God or nothing at all. Thoughts on this? Love to hear them.
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