Busting 2 Common Misconceptions about Meditation

For the 2013 New Year, one of my major resolutions that I have, surprisingly, kept up with is to work on my spirituality.  This has taken on the form of a lot of journaling, studying, taking classes, and the dreaded meditation.

Meditation.  I grew up in the Catholic church.  I know what it's like to sit still for a very long time without moving, sitting up straight, asking for guidance.  I am a child of the United States school system.  I have been told throughout my life to sit still and basically, shut up.  I have been poked by my mom to stop fidgeting, yelled at and scolded by my teachers that I need to get back into cross-legged position with the rest of the class.  They can do it, why can't you?  You can see why the prospect of choosing, of my own volition, in my own free time, to sit still for 20 minutes at a time without moving, praying or simply "not thinking" would make me want to run away screaming in terror.  I am a mover, a fidgeter, a do-er, a multi-tasker.  I don't sit well.

Cute kid, bored with sitting.  

So why try?  People I know, respect, and love recommended it.  They gave very good reasons for it like feeling grounded, calmer, more centered, more loving, and peaceful.  These things sound great!  Especially when your normal brain activity looks like a pinball machine.  The prospect of getting this under control, something that I'm generally only able to achieve when I am hyper-focused on an activity (sewing) or participating in some form of intense exercise.  I don't even like to play video games.  I get distracted.

I have had every intention of having a consistent meditation practice for probably the last 3 years.  Possibly more.  There have been many barriers to my lack of follow-through.  The biggest problem is that I had some misconceptions about meditation that held me back.  Here are some of the common ones and the truth I have discovered over time.

Don't think about this elephant!!

1. You have to clear your mind of all thoughts.  This one was a major block for me.  Tell someone to not think of an elephant and that's the only thing you can think of.  I didn't get it, how do you clear your mind?  And so I would do my best, sit there, clear my mind kind of, for a few milliseconds at a time and then go back to thinking about my to-do list.  Then I would berate myself for thinking and clear my mind again.  Rinse and repeat.  Sounds fun, right?

The truth is, there may be some people who can clear their minds.  Great for them.  All the more power to you.  I won't say I can't, because I don't like to limit myself to possibilities, but I'd say the likelihood of me getting hit by lightning or winning the lottery are just as good.  Instead, researching meditation, I discovered Guided Meditation and Mindfulness Meditation.  If you are ED (Easily Distracted) like I am, than these are for you.

Guided Meditation.  Listening to the right Guided Meditation is great.  Plug in your headset, find a website that offers guided meditations and get started.  A lovely voice (if you can't stand the voice of the meditation, find a new one, there's bazillions of them out there) will walk you through a meditation and tell you what to think about.  They tell you what you can think about and this is quite liberating.

Mindfulness Meditation.  Mindfulness meditation took a bit more practice.  Mindfulness meditation can be done listening to someone, or you can do it on your own.  There are some guided meditations that will walk you through it, and now that I've done it often enough, I can run my own rodeo.  I didn't realize, growing up, that my exercise was a meditation for me.  When you are working out really hard, you have to have your full attention on that thing.  If you are playing basketball and thinking about your test tomorrow, you will likely not play well.  When you have your full attention on your movements, your next play, the feel of the ball, your opponent, you are fully in the present moment.  And this is what mindfulness meditation is all about.  It is doing something with your full attention.  It can be done with anything.  One of my first introductions to this type of exercise was simply eating a raisin.  That's it.  But eating it slowly, first studying it in the palm of my hand, smelling it, feeling it.  Then slowly tasting it, squishing it in my mouth, moving it around, feeling the texture and putting my mind on the flavors.  Sounds funny, but it puts you in a very centered, present state of mind.  Now I try to do this often with whatever I'm doing.  Crossfit, writing an assessment, talking to a student, writing this blog, walking my dogs, journaling, dinner with friends, cooking, eating, driving, sex, everything.  And it makes every one of these activities way more enjoyable.

I highly recommend giving it a try.

Lotus Position

2. You have to sit still.  Wrong! Okay, even though I knew about Yoga, which is basically a moving meditation, for some reason I really thought that in order to meditate you had to sit cross-legged on the floor, in the lotus position, hands resting on your thighs, back straight as a board, somehow getting your feet up on your thighs (how do people do that?).  Just searching for the right term right now, several articles popped up, scaring me with their admonitions that one must sit still.  No! You sit still.  I will do what works for me.  Which is whatever keeps me meditating.

Above I talked about Guided Meditation and Mindfulness Meditation.  Mindfulness Meditation is one example of some of the possibilities of moving around when you meditate.  But what about a guided meditation where they tell you to find a comfortable position and don't freaking move?  Well, I've learned a little secret in life.  I can do whatever I want.  It's true.  Now this has greater meaning in my life, like, not limiting myself in my beliefs, figuring out what I truly want, and going for it.  But it also has great meaning in the little decisions in my life.  I no longer make decisions based on what I am supposed to do, rather I look at the result I would like to achieve.  If I'm deciding whether or not I'm going to work out, or eat a piece of cake, or how I'm going to meditate I think about the result that each action is going to bring.  If I do work out I will feel proud of myself, stronger and calmer, but tired.  If I don't work out I will feel rested, will have time to do something else, but may not be as calm and relaxed and strong.  Both are great options.  It just depends on what I'd like in that moment. Well, that was a bit of a sidetracked point, what I was getting to was that I can meditate in whatever way is going to get me the result of me being calmer, more peaceful and more, well, meditated.

How I meditate when I'm just sitting.  In the mornings these days I get up in the morning, do a bit of journaling and sit on my meditation cushion.  I light incense because I like it.  For a long time I meditated without and that's just as nice.  I usually find a guided meditation to listen to on my ipad and settle in.  I usually start in a cross-legged position with my back straight, because I would like to strengthen my posture.  It also hurts my back if I do a super-slouch through the whole thing.  Often, the straight back position starts to hurt, because my back is weak.  I used to berate myself for this!  You should be able to sit up straight, Dummy!  Then I realized that berating myself for slouching was dumber than not sitting straight.  So I forgive myself, shift to a more comfortable position and continue meditating.  Guess what?  It's okay.  It works just fine.  Sometimes I will slouch a bit.  Or stretch my back.  Or uncross my legs when my foot falls asleep.  Or pet my dog when he comes to sit in my lap.  Or lean back on the wall.  This morning I felt the call to rock a little bit, because I wanted to keep my back straight and my back was a little sore.  So I did this (possibly ridiculous looking, but who cares?) slight rhythmic rocking back and forth.  It felt good, and I was able to continue meditating comfortable.  That is the result I was looking for, so I did it.  Then I patted myself on the back and wrote this blog about it.

So, in summary, if your vision of a transcendent yogi wearing robes sitting on the edge of a waterfall in total transcendent mindlessness is keeping you from trying meditation, challenge those notions and give a different kind of meditation a try.  Those of us who are ED need a different kind of meditation than Buddhist monks.  And maybe your dream of being able to sit peacefully in the lotus pose for hours at a time at a yoga retreat will come true, but start where you are.  And if that includes a slouchy, fidgety, guided meditation on your headset, or a game of soccer, that is an awesome start.  Congratulate yourself for trying something new and taking a step towards living in the present moment and having the ability to calm and center yourself at any time.  It will be truly worth your time.

Some resources I have found over time:

Martha Beck's "The Ideal Day Exercise"

Meditation for Beginners

Mediation Oasis Podcast

The Chopra Center's Library of Guided Meditations

Have you let limiting beliefs hold you back?  Do you have tips for others that have helped you?  Let me know in the comments section!

The Egg Scramble Meditation

"When you are present, when your attention is fully in the Now, the Presence will flow into and transform what you do. There will be quality and power in it." - Eckhart Tolle

I have deemed this summer, the summer of 2013, the Summer of Mindfulness.  I have made a commitment to practice mindfulness techniques as often as I remember to.  This morning's meditation was done as I prepared and ate and cleaned up after I ate my eggs.  Here's instructions on how to do this yourself.

First, think of what you are going to make.  I decided I would have an egg scramble.  I looked into my refrigerator and I had some leftover veggies, some eggs and some cheese.  

Pull out all of your ingredients.  Arrange them on your counter.  If your counter is not clean, first move stuff out of the way and wipe down an area that you can use.

Pull out your tools.  I needed a frying pan, a spatula, a spoon, a plate and a fork.  I also needed my coconut oil.  Arrange them on the counter.  (The frying pan can go on the stove.)

Take a moment and look at what you have and to be grateful for the ingredients and the tools.

Turn your stovetop on, but don't flick it on like usual.  Mindfully find just the right setting. 

Open your oil.  Mine was coconut.  Open the lid and smell it.  Enjoy the aroma of the oil.  Take a spoon and measure out how much oil you want in your pan, don't just pour it this time.  Slowly and purposefully spoon out some oil into your pan.  Put away the oil and wash your spoon.  Watch the oil.  Notice how it changes how it moves and looks as it heats up.  

Wait for just the right temperature.  I like to hold my hand above the pan to test how much heat is in there.  I feel it in my palm and my fingers.  I try to guess when the oil is hot.  

Drop in a vegetable and see if it sizzles just right.  Today, mine didn't.  The oil wasn't hot enough.  So I watched and I waited for the piece of onion to start to sizzle.  Don't get distracted while you wait.  Don't move away.  Just watch, listen, smell and enjoy the moment.

When the oil and the onion started sizzling to my satisfaction I added the rest of the veggies.  Then I watched them.  I smelled them.  And then I named them: Onion, green pepper, red pepper, yellow pepper, mushrooms.  I reached for the spices that are always next to my stove.  I picked up the garlic powder, opened the lid and wafted the aroma toward my nose.  Then I sprinkled some in the pan.  I did the same with the onion powder and paprika.  I poured a little salt into my palm and sprinkled it over the vegetables as well.  When it looked like the vegetables had gotten a little color, I flipped them over.  I examined them.  I poked them a little and prodded them to see what they looked like.  And I waited for them to finish on that side as well.  This part was difficult for me.  I wanted to put the eggs in now, but the veggies weren't ready.  Normally I will put on a timer, go do something else and come back to check when the timer goes off.  Today I stayed.  I watched.  I listened.  I smelled.  

And when they seemed just right I picked up an egg.  Held it.  Thought of the chicken it came from.  Thanked the chicken and the farmer.  And cracked it in the pan.  And then the same with the second, and the third.  I broke open the yolks with my spatula.  And then I stirred and waited, stirred and waited.  I watched for the eggs to be just right before I touched them again.  When everything looked just about done I added a slice of aged gouda.  I put it right on the top and then watched it melt.  It was a beautiful thing.  I watched as the sliced edges started to round.  I watched as the color began to darken just slightly, something I had never noticed before.  I watched as the flat slice began to droop and take on the shape of the eggs beneath.  And I watched as the last corner, the furthest from the heat, finally drooped and melted onto the eggs.

I carefully slid the eggs from the pan onto my waiting plate.  And then I washed the pan and the spatula.  I took my time.  I smelled the eggs waiting behind me on my plate and I paid attention to the hot pan as I poured water on it to cool it, then put soap on a sponge and rubbed it clean.  I carefully washed the spatula, felt the shape of the spatula beneath my fingers.  

And finally, it was time to eat my eggs.  I ate my eggs as mindfully as I had made them.  One bite at a time.  With each bite I closed my eyes to taste what was in it.  I chewed it thoroughly and felt the texture of the bite.  Each bite was a little different.  The urge to rush would arise every once in a while and I would just focus back on naming what was in that bite.  Every few bites I gave each of my dogs a tiny taste, because dogs deserve to be mindful, too.  

After the last bite I resisted the urge to turn my thoughts elsewhere.  I closed my eyes and gave thanks for the food I had just eaten.  And then I took my plate and fork to the sink and washed both, slowly and methodically, just as I had the pan and spatula.  

You can create a mindfulness exercise out of any activity.  Simply do it purposefully, with your whole attention on the task at hand.  When you can, stop and really look, listen, feel, smell, and taste what you are doing.  Try this while cooking, cleaning, shopping, reading, writing, and whatever other tasks you might do during the day.  

What is your favorite meditative task?  Comment below.

Question the Experts

Four or five years ago I ran a half-marathon.  It was my second attempt and my friend and I hadn't trained all that much.  The first time I ran one I had trained hard, but had not been able to run the whole thing.  So the second time around I surprised myself by running (jogging slowly) the whole thing.  My friend and I celebrated that it had hurt so much but that we had pushed through it.  And when I tried to run again just a few short weeks later, I learned that I had really hurt my knee.  I hadn't run very far when I got shooting pain next to my knee.  It hurt to run, it hurt to jog, it hurt to walk.  So I stopped and went home.  I tried again later.  I got the same pain in my knee.  Rest wasn't helping, it wasn't getting better.  And it hurt really bad.
Hawaii has great health insurance, so I went to a doctor.  I googled an orthopedic surgeon in Kailua.  I didn't do any research on who she was, I just went.  It was the usual sit around in the waiting room until the doctor can see you 15 minutes late, then sit in the waiting room for 15 minutes by yourself deal.  I guess we are all pretty used to this, unfortunately.  Then I got to see the Doctor.  She asked me a lot of questions and did some manual examinations on my legs.  She manipulated the knee and finally instructed me to go with someone she was going to send for to get some x-rays done to see what was going on in there.  Before setting off to fetch her assistant she gave me a talk about different kinds of knee pains.  She talked a lot about how many people are not meant to run, especially if something was a little different in one leg than the other (one of my legs is a hare shorter than the other).  She then also went on to talk about how often she will do x-rays on elderly gentlemen and she will find a form of cancer that is causing the pain, often in the hips.  Right after she mentioned cancer, she left the room.  And I sat there for 15 minutes thinking about cancer and how I will never run again.  I went to take the x-rays and she determined that I would need to get an MRI on my knee to figure out what was going on since she couldn't see anything in the films.  Then she gave me another talk about how I should never run again (I don't remember exactly what she said, but this was the basic gist).  Then she sent me off to the hospital to get an MRI done.
I followed her instructions like a good girl, got the MRI done and then went home in a panicky depression.  I would never run again.  There's something wrong with my body.  I've done some real damage.  I never went to pick up the results of the MRI.  I never scheduled a follow-up appointment with the lovely Doctor.  And I stopped running totally for about a year.
It's not that I didn't want to look at the MRI because there might be something I wouldn't like in the results.  I'm not one to go into that kind of denial.  If there's something wrong I generally want to know what I can do to fix it or make it better.  It was more that there was something about the way the doctor treated me.  Something about the way she brought up cancer and left me alone.  Something about how she sucked all hope out of my recovery.  Looking back I realize that it was the first time that a doctor told me something and I didn't just blindly accept it.  Doctor's words were like the word of God.  If a doctor told me something I believed it.  But I didn't accept her message and it took me a really long time to figure that out.  I had to mourn the death of my implicit trust in all medical professionals.  I began to consider that doctors are humans. And that although they had gone to school for a very long time and learned a considerable amount about the human body and their specialties, they are not infallible.
I began to research the kind of pain I had.  I looked specifically at runner's blogs and discovered that the kind of pain I have is pretty common.  It is caused by tight, unstretched muscles, a lack of cross-training and strengthening other muscles and a tight IT band.  Turns out there's things you can do to help with the pain and a foam roller does a great job of stretching your IT band.  I tested out what I had learned.  I started kickboxing which strengthened all my muscles, not just my running muscles.  I started stretching and icing.  I worked on my running technique in short bursts.  If it started to hurt at all, I stopped what I was doing.  And you know what?  It worked.  I will not be running any marathons or half-marathons any time soon, and I actually have no motivation to do so.  But I have been able to compete in 3-5 mile trail races with obstacle courses.  I can run when it is involved in a crossfit workout.  I have regained all of my functional running skills and have gotten myself to a point where there is little to no pain involved.
The moral of the story is this: go to the doctor, listen to the doctor, question the doctor, do your own research.  If your heart and intuition are telling you that the doctor is not spending enough time with you, or the doctor's words are not sitting right with you, You Might Be Right.  Do not fear a second opinion.  Do not let doctors bully you when you go into their kingdoms armed with your own knowledge, intuition and research.  Do not let the doctor make you feel stupid or hopeless.  And for the most part this means that you will follow their prescription..  They very often know what they are talking about.  I almost always take the medicine they prescribe.  I can think of only one other time that I didn't and it involved medication that would have caused side effects worse than the problem they were trying to fix.
So question the experts.  This goes not just for doctors, but government officials, researchers, spiritual and religious leaders, your boss, your mother, your best friend.  Ask for help, listen to what they say, and then follow your intuition.

Ain't No Stoppin Me Now!

Enjoy your Vacation!

This week I let myself get too busy and I slacked off on my blog. Normally Wednesday is my blog day, but I was preparing all week to fly to Key West for my sister-in-law's wedding.  I made sure to clean the kitchen, the bathrooms and the living room so my friend, who is house and dog-sitting wouldn't be completely disgusted with me.  I wish I could say I always keep my house guest ready, but the truth is that I avoid cleaning like the plague. I used to be embarrassed about this, but I've since come to terms with the fact that I have other redeeming qualities and I will never Martha Stewart be. She's very uptight anyway. We made sure to exercise the dogs, bathe them and get their supplies together. We had to be sure that the fish tank routine was made easy to follow. 

For the past few months I've also been studying a bit here and there for my licensure test. I feel pretty good about it so far, but it is taking up a large chunk of my time. Because of the timing of this wedding vacation, I also missed the last week of school, where I work. This meant finishing up as much paperwork as I possibly could, doing all of the progress reports for my students and saying my goodbyes all this last week. It's always so sad, you just never know which kids will be there in the fall. So I gave hugs, and advice, and homework. 

I have been allowing the stress to get to me. My nutrition has not been the best, not horrible, but not great. I've been having a hard time staying in the moment. My crossfit workouts help, they keep me active and happy. But, I allowed the cleaning time and appointments get in the way and I missed several of my regular classes. 

Isn't it funny how going on vacation, the thing that we wait and wait for can be so much stress? It makes me laugh, looking back, how much I let it get to me. On previous vacations I have allowed that stress to leak into the vacation itself. Not this time. Even last night/today on the longest, most uncomfortable flits I ever remember, I have been having a good time with my husband. We've both been in good spirits. I started meditating on the second flight, which relaxed me so much I fell asleep before we took off. That was a blessing since I can rarely sleep on a flight. In fact, I slept on the first and second flights. On the third flight Nathan and I played this jewel matching game over and over and over again. It was fun! 

Upon landing here in Tampa, it turns out, of course, that our flight to Key West is delayed by an hour and a half. Either way, we spent the entire Monday in a plane and I have eaten insane amounts of banana chips, a nut mix and a personal size pizza. I feel gross. But I'm on vacation!  My plan is to finish this quick blog, and go find some fun! Not sure what that looks like, probably going to wander around the airport a bit, maybe meditate, find a good spot to watch the sunset. Can't wait to stick my feet in the Atlantic Ocean. Was just wading in the pacific less than 24 hours ago. 

Is Today an Okay Day to Die?

I know some of you may be thinking that I'm being a bit doom and gloom, or depressed, or you might be worried that I am going to do something rash, judging by the title.  However, it is totally the opposite.  Let me explain.

The other day I was on my way to a local coffee shop to study for my upcoming test.  On my way to the door, a disheviled man came out of the door and grabbed a backpack that had been sitting outside on the sidewalk.  I walked into the coffee shop and he walked away.  When I got to the counter inside, one of the ladies who had been sitting at a table outside the shop came in to tell the man at the counter that the bag had been claimed.  Apparently, the group had been concerned about the bag lying unattended and had reported it to the store.  With the recent bombings at the Boston Marathon, there have been several cases in Hawaii of stores and building being shut down as the police investigate unattended bags left lying around.  The guys at the counter laughed about it probably being a drug deal and everyone went on their way.  The guy is a bit of a regular, so no one was that concerned.  I got my latte and cracked open the books and forgot about it.

About an hour later, the same man came back inside, carrying two bags, including the one that had been earlier lying around unattended.  He went upstairs, and came back down without his bag.  He left the store.  Hmm.  Now, none of the group of ladies from the previous group was there.  The guy at the register didn't notice the guy come in.  I was the only one noticing this guy and of course, my mind started to go there.  Did this guy just leave some kind of explosive device upstairs?  I know that he's one of the regulars of Kailua, possibly homeless and on drugs, definitely wanders the street all of the time, I've seen him before.  Part of me knew that this was no big deal and yet a part of my mind started to wind up.  Images of explosions and screaming and running flashed really quickly through my brain.  I could feel a chill go through my body and I tensed up.  Even though I know it's not a terrorist attack, my brain is starting to take over and the anxiety is starting to set in.  This is where the question above came in handy.

This year I have been practicing daily how to be present in the moment.  At random intervals, especially when I am starting to get stressed out, I take a moment to really look around me and see what is reality.  What is going on, right now.  The practice brings an awesome sense of peace.  In that moment, in the coffee shop, I stopped thinking about explosions and looked around.  I was in a cute cafe with lots of studious people on their computers.  There was good music playing and my friend, Keysa, was sitting at the table with me, reading her own book.  It was peaceful and serene and pleasant.  And I thought to myself, since really we can die at any moment, for multitudes of reasons, would this be an okay way to die?  I was in a great place with a friend.  I was doing something enjoyable, preparing for a test that will help me further my career.  Everything was totally okay in that moment.  So, yes, it would have been an okay time and place to die.  The thought brought me a great deal of peace.  The tension in my body started to melt away.  I had another sip of coffee, and smiled at Keysa.  The man came back in the front door, went upstairs and grabbed his bag, ordered a cup of coffee, and grabbed a seat at a table.

The same man got up to grab a napkin near our table a few minutes later and we couldn't help but overhear as he repeated to himself, "I am a cat, I am a cat, I am a cat."  The man was totally harmless, not quite in his right mind, but no terrorist.  And I am so grateful that I didn't waste any more of my precious time on this earth spinning my mind and worrying that I was going to blow up.  It would have been a waste.  Even if there was a bomb in his bag that day, I would have wasted my last moments with fear.  I've always thought it would be so much better to go with a contented smile on my face.

What are your thoughts?  Is today an okay day to die?

Afraid of a Little Pain, Are You?

The other day I came home from work and some of the neighbor kids were all rolling on the grass, punching and kicking and generally beating the hell out of each other.  My first instinct was to tell them to cut it out, but then, for a brief second, the boy I thought was getting the brunt of it smiled.  I realized they were just fooling around.  Sure, they were quite likely to hurt one another, but then I thought, "who cares"?

It seems to me that in this day and age, people are quite afraid of getting hurt. Today I'm just talking physical pain, but I think this may translate to emotional as well.  From the adults I meet who do one workout and quit because of the pain the next day to a new generation of children who panic when they fall down or see blood.  I get the feeling it has not always been this way.  At some point our culture has decided that it is a necessity to get rid of anything that might possibly cause us pain.  I get it when it comes to deadly diseases.  Sure, nobody wants to die from typhoid or whooping cough.  But when did we get so paranoid about germs and blood?  The removal of anything but "safe" equipment on our playgrounds and the insane amount of hand sanitizer I see being used makes me want to punch somebody.  Our kids apparently don't know how to swing, spin or see-saw without killing themselves, so we must save them by coating everything with recycled truck tires and getting rid of anything with moving parts.  I get it.  We don't want our kids to maim themselves.  But we are teaching them at a very young age that pain is something to run screaming from, that it is something to avoid at all costs, it is something to FEAR.

Many of us share stories about the "good old days" when we used to go out in the woods all day long to explore or play war.  There was no worry from our parents that we would get hurt.  Not that we wouldn't get hurt.  I would show up at home with bloodied knees, a chipped tooth, a broken collar bone and various cuts, bruises and scrapes.  But back then these things didn't really count.  It was considered completely fine to get dirty and scratched up doing who knows what, come home, eat dinner, shower and go to bed.  Pain was a part of life and there was no need to stop the presses for a scratch.  Because nobody else made a big deal out of it, neither did I.  And scraping my knee on a tree didn't keep me from climbing trees ever again.

I'm sure my broken collar bone was avoidable.  My sisters could have not thrown me into the pile of leaves.  But I LOVED being thrown into the leaf pile.  We would rake the leaves and take turns jumping into it, over and over and over again.  And one time, I landed on a rock and broke my collar bone.  The difference between then and now is that if that happened today all of a sudden there would be a ban on jumping in leaf piles.  And they would ban your older siblings from throwing you anywhere.  I just wore a sling for a couple of weeks, healed up and went back to jumping in.  (And from then on did a general sweep for large rocks that might be hiding at the bottom of the pile.)

I'm no fan of causing pain to others on purpose and I believe in listening to your body.  Some pain is just your body being tired and healing and some other pain actually means something is wrong.  I don't believe in corporal punishment, mostly because it doesn't work and because parents get more and more frustrated and hit their kids in anger and frustration, not love.  I don't look to go out and get hurt.  But I don't let the thought of pain hold me back and I don't think we should teach our kids to do so either.  How will you learn how to do the monkey bars if you're too scared to fall down?  How will you learn to skate board, climb trees, jump rope, ride a bike, swim, or play any sport if you are afraid of some pain?

So when I saw the neighbors fighting, I decided not to say anything and let them go for it.  Nobody got hurt. Well, not too badly anyway.

How Will You Know if You Can?

How about you?  Are you afraid of a little pain?

Because My Mom Says

"You can be anything you want." - Pauline Sullivan.

Although much of my early life was dictated by fear- fear of failure, of letting others down, of saying the wrong thing, of breaking rules, of not being liked, of looking stupid, and of going to Hell, I was given a great gift that carried me through.  I'm not sure if I was only told once, or if it was a repeated message in my household, but I heard the message that I was allowed to dream big.  That we had very little spending money, but that I was fully capable of going to college and being anything I wanted.  Through the fear I heard that I could keep my mind open to possibilities.

I don't know how my mother knew to pass those words on, or how she came to believe them herself, coming from even poorer circumstances, growing up in the basement of her grandparents home as a young child under the abusive, angry watch of my alcoholic grandfather in New Jersey, but somehow she heard the message and believed it.  We may have been "poor" by definition of not having a lot of extra cash on hand, but my parents had (and they still have) 5 acres of land in the woods, with a stream and a house and garden that they built on their own.  My father worked for himself in a business with his friends that they built and my Mom was able to stay home to raise us.  What strength of character allows you to dream that you can have that?  That you are not stuck with what you have been handed in this life, but can make your own choices?

I was lucky to hear that.  Because I was given many messages, and most were not positive.  We are all given some obvious, and some very sneaky messages about who we are and who we are supposed to become.  How we are supposed to behave and how much we should be allowed to have.  How big we should allow ourselves to dream.  When I was a child I was going to be a teacher or a nanny, then I would be a Counselor, then I decided that I would be a physical therapist and work with sports teams.  I had limited connection to the possibilities that existed.   As time goes on my vision expands just a little to include new things, new possibilities. In college I moved from Physical Therapist (they have to touch sweaty feet!) to therapist.  This one has stuck for quite some time.  I think it bumps up really close to my passion and purpose.  And still I think there is more for me.  I will be a therapist, and I will be great.  But I am allowing myself to dream even bigger.  A life coach?  A nutritionist?  An exercise instructor?  A public speaker?  Owner and operator of a world-famous retreat center where spiritual leaders stay and speak?  President?  Who knows. Because I can be whatever I want.  My mom says so.