Gratitude, What Is It and Do You Want It?

It seems like the universe is telling me that gratitude is the lesson for the week.  All signs are steering me in that direction.

Gratitude is tricky business.  There's a lot of talk out there on Facebook, a lot of pics on Pinterest and a lot of tweeting on the Twitter, telling us that we should be grateful for what we have, and comparing us to others who have less.  I just opened up Pinterest, searched for gratitude and got a bazillion hits for this quote, "Gratitude turns what we have into enough." And this one, "Count your rainbows, not your thundershowers." Well, eww.  These don't make gratitude sound appealing.  Makes it sound like a chore.  I hate chores.  Wash the dishes, do your laundry, and while your at it, have some gratitude.  No, thankyou.

Have you ever been in this situation?  You're feeling really down in the dumps.  Life just kind of sucks for the moment.  You complain to someone with the hopes that they will a) just listen, or b) sympathize by telling you how much their life also sucks.  Instead, they tell you, usually in a super high pitch, insanely cheerful voice, to be grateful for the things you have.  There are others out there with less than you.  There's children in Africa who are starving!  Get over it!  Appreciate what you have!  Wow, okay.  There's fewer things in life that can drive a person into deeper depression than telling somebody who's extraordinarily sad that "You should be happy for what you have!"  Now, not only have you just bared your soul to someone who in return judged you and shoulded on you, but you have to do the pretend happy reply.  Double yuck.  So far, being grateful sounds stupid.  Most people are aware that they have good things in life, there's just some days that you feel down and in those moments, it's hard to focus on them.  Judging others for their feelings just adds another layer to the deep sadness. So we hear it everywhere we go, but what is gratitude?  What does having it really mean?  Is it something we truly want to seek?

Our culture has a habit of getting feelings mixed up.  Being grateful is not the same as being happy.  Or feeling outrageous joy.  They can go hand in hand, and it feels great when they do.  But you can be grateful without happiness.  People have good intentions when they give gratitude advice.  I think humans in general get the idea that when we are thinking about happy things, we are happier people.  So we give the advice, just think happy thoughts! Yay!  Not so easy when your thoughts are in the dumps.

We've all been there, we're in a bad mood and one negative thought after another takes over your brain.  You're on a roll.  You're tired, then you spill your coffee, then you're late to work, and it just piles on you.  The truth is your ego (the judgy part of yourself) digs this stuff.  We don't want to admit it, but there's a part of us that doesn't want to feel better in those moments.  We get so into it.  Your ego loves to compare you to others.  It hates living in the moment.  It likes to think about the future and how sucky it's going to be.  And it likes to review the morning's conversation you had with your boss where you tried to tell a bad lie about why you are late.  It is most comfortable replaying the sad, depressing scenes over and over.  It tells you that you are in need, that others have things you don't, and that you will never get what you want in life because you are an IMPOSTER!

The ego is an asshole.

This is why actual gratitude, not the Pollyanna fake happy version, is a great place to start when you are
feeling down.  You have to shake off your ego.  It's got a vice like grip, but you can trick it into letting go, one finger at a time.  Your ego is stuck on all of the negative crap swirling around you and the only way to make that stop, is to think about something positive.  But you have to start small.  You have to throw it off, feint to the left and jab and jab and show it some fancy footwork before you sock it in the face.  You have to get your brain thinking about the positive.  Gratitude is a simple admission that something in your life, right at this moment, does not suck.  You can start small.   You can't go straight for the I have a loving partner and family and friends that love me.  You gotta go slow, get a positive thought or two in and then build.

The first thing you need to do is stop, and state or think out an intention that you are going to now do something to make yourself feel better.  This isn't something you can do while multitasking.  Stop what you're doing.  It won't take long.

Next, look around you.  Pick an object in your field of vision.  Are you grateful for that thing?  Right now I see a Lacrosse ball.  I don't have much feeling for that, so I'll swing around to something else.  Ah, my May Cause Miracles book.  This is something that I can admit in this moment, does not suck.  In fact, the words inside it have given me much to think about.  Okay, keep looking.  Floss.  Hell, no.  I hate flossing.  Next! My sewing box!  It has my favorite sewing scissors inside of it.  I've had it for a long time.  I've fixed a lot of clothes with the items in that box.

If you're feeling it now, if you're in the groove, keep going!  Yes!  That spray can of sunscreen!  I love spray sunscreen because I'm too lazy to rub in sunscreen!  The remote control!  Who is not grateful of the great remote control that allows me so much power with just the move of a finger.  A black pen!  My Iphone charger!  These are things that I can be grateful for.

If you're not feeling it, find at least three things.  Force your mind to find a reason to be grateful.  Your ego has a really strong grip and it is hanging on for dear life, but you can overcome.

If you are reading this, then the universe has guided you to this page.  Take a moment, right now, to do the above exercise.   Forget the big stuff.  Just look around.  Maybe there are items in your life you are grateful for.  If this is very, very hard for you, then just shut your eyes.  Breathe in and out.  Take a moment to appreciate the air that moves in and out of your lungs without any guidance from you.  Put your hand over your heart and take a moment to consider that your heart moves the blood and oxygen through your veins.  Your body is providing for you right now.  You are being provided for.  You don't have to do anything in return. For now, just let your body do the work for you.  You are valuable, you have purpose.  You are loved.

Were you able to find anything you were grateful for? Please tell us in the comments below.

"The fear voice of your ego will resist gratitude at all costs.  The ego loves to seek problems and focus on what we don't have.  Understanding you're ego's resistance will help you as you build your gratitude muscles and unleash your appreciation.  Trust that the feeling of gratitude is stronger than fear."- Gabrielle Bernstein, May Cause Miracles

"Experiencing gratitude is one of the most effective ways of getting in touch with your soul. When you’re in touch with your soul, you eavesdrop on the thoughts of the universe. You feel connected to everything in creation. You embrace the wisdom of uncertainty and you sense yourself as a field of infinite possibilities."- from Gratitude Is the Highest Point of View by Deepak Chopra

"Gratitude is an expression of appreciation.  We want to treat others the way we want to be treated."- Nathan Preston, LMFT

Some visionaries I love and their perspectives on gratitude:

Lissa Rankin- The Prescription for Gratitude

Danielle LaPorte- The How-To’s of Small, Specific, Genuine (and Publicly Declared) Gratitude

Oprah- The Power of Gratitude

Oprah and Lifeclass Teachers: Mastering the Art of Gratitude

Deepak Chopra- Ask Deepak - How Gratitude Creates Abundance Consciousness