Do You Play?

Just a short blog post this week.  It's a simple look at whether you have enough fun in your life.  I am lucky.  I was born into a fun-loving, hilarious family.  I never realized that some people don't know how to laugh at themselves or the world around them.  Gabby Bernstein says, "When you make fun your primary purpose, you will experience many miracles and be of high service to the world."  I love this.  I truly and completely agree.  Making someone else laugh is at the top of my list of amazing experiences.  I'm not talking about the fake laughter of someone trying to impress, pretending like they understand or agreeing because they "should."  I'm talking the deep, belly laughter that comes from an inside joke that keeps building and building until it is so ridiculously silly that you can't keep the laughter in.  The kind of laughter that makes you hug your sides, snort through your nose, leak tears from your eyes and brings you to the point when you are not even making noise anymore, you're just shaking and wheezing.  You have to lean over and hold your knees so you can catch your breath, and keep your eyes off of your buddy, or it will sweep over you again.  The kind of laughter you can't hold back and makes you feel like you're going to pee your pants.  Everyone should have that.  I think it should be one of our main goals in life.

Like the chick in the middle.  Priceless.

Do you?

Drugs and Spirituality

So the other night I was drinking a Guinness my husband got me for St Patrick's Day weekend and watching Oprah's Supersoul Sunday, and Oprah was interviewing Debbie Ford.  Debbie was speaking about a point in her life when she first saw God, back when she was in a treatment facility.  Oprah then asked her whether she had had this spiritual awakening while on drugs, or while off of drugs.  What a great question!
This episode got me thinking, since I was watching Debbie Ford while drinking beer.  It got me thinking about why we drink or do drugs at all. What is the draw?  We know all of the possible negative side effects.  We've lived through the poor decisions made while drunk or high and we've survived the hangovers the next day.  So why would we ever do it more than once?  Why isn't it an obvious lesson learned the first time around?

Obviously, alcohol and drug addiction is a complicated topic that can't all be addressed in one blog post.  There is the physical addiction side, which I am not delving into at all.  What I propose to talk about here is only a slight aspect of a much bigger conversation, but one that I found intriguing to consider.

Did your spiritual experience happen while you were on drugs or while you were recovering?  We hear so many stories from those leaders who had a spiritual awakening when they hit their "rock bottom" and decided to live a different kind of life.  But, many people have had spiritual experiences while drinking or doing drugs.  And the intriguing thought for me was that, maybe, in the beginning, this is why someone would gravitate towards mind-altering activities.  I doubt very much this is a mindful decision, "Hmm, maybe if I snort some cocaine, I will find God..."  That's not what I'm saying.  But there is always something we are looking for before trying something new.  Social acceptance, a distraction from how we currently feel, relaxation, or energy, for example.  We just don't know what it is we are looking for.  And so very sane and reasonable people try some very out of the box behaviors.

When you have your first beer, drink, toke, snort, shot, and I don't know the lingo for what else, the theory that I am exploring is, that maybe you are able to, in that moment, relax enough to tune in to the present moment.  To shut your ego down.  To stop comparing yourself to others and believe that you are of value.  To see how all things in the world are connected.  To believe that everything that happens to you has a reason and a lesson and for a moment we can be grateful for what we have now.  For that moment, the quality of the chair your sitting in and the decorations of your location aren't important.  It's enough that you are alive and being provided for.  That first drink helps you get in touch with and see your attractive, witty, and intelligent side.  The beauty is that the drinks and drugs don't make you a better person, a more introspective person, a more outgoing person, but they block your ego and for just a little while you can be in touch with your true nature, your purpose and your inner guide.  In the beginning, maybe it helps you see God, because your barriers are down and you allow yourself to trust and have faith.

All of these feelings, which are wonderful and breathtaking and worthy of wanting to feel again, unfortunately don't last long with drugs and alcohol.  Unfortunately, I believe that so many people stumble upon these feelings accidentally and then falsely attribute the drugs or alcohol with the responsibility of getting you there.  There is a false belief that it is the only way to feel that good, or maybe just the easiest and fastest way.  But studies and history reveal that although in the beginning drugs and alcohol might feel good, they soon overtake your life.  The second, third and fourth drink don't bring you that feeling, it makes you sick.  Another shot of heroine or snort of cocaine doesn't bring you that feeling, it makes you sick.  And over time the drugs and alcohol don't bring you that feeling at all.  You go through your day in a depressed fog looking for the drugs and alcohol to bring you to some semblance of normal, or at least not like complete shit, but not closer to God.  Because you didn't know that's what you were looking for in the first place.

Many things in life start for one reason, but continue for another.  Recovery is a complex and individual path.  I'm not suggesting that becoming spiritual is a direct and easy path to healing yourself from a life of drugs and alcohol (I believe it is a part of the journey, however).  I am simply looking at one piece of this issue, which has more to do with preventing others from getting there in the first place.

Is this a crazy thought that we are all looking for our spiritual path, we just don't realize it?  Maybe.  I do think that we have a responsibility to teach our children that there are a million ways to feel good.  We have a responsibility to show them that there are healthy ways to feel strong, confident, witty, connected, smart, and in tune with their inner self.  It's not about praising kids for everything they do, or keeping them from ever failing or making a mistake.  It's about showing them how exciting life is in the day to day.  How awesome it feels to hang upside down from the jungle gym.  How wonderful it can feel to share something with a friend.  How moving your body through playing games, and sports and even just in spinning in circles or running through mud can bring you joy.  Then, maybe when they are teenagers (hopefully not middle schoolers, but come on people, you know our kids are growing up fast) when they do try that cigarette, that joint or that wine cooler at a party, they will recognize the feeling for what it is.  And they will know that they can just as easily get that high from sitting in silence, reading a good book, or playing a game.

Your thoughts?  Would love to hear them.

Everything You Need...

From Sun-Gazing.com

I never thought I'd be the type to write out a check to myself, signed by "The Law of Abundance" with the hopes that it would bring me anything but a roll of the eyes from anyone I might tell about it.  And yet I did this very thing about 10 minutes ago.  I sheepishly explained to my husband that a trusted friend had mentioned this on Facebook and it seemed like a great idea so I did it.  His response was an entertained smile and a nod of the head.  He no longer seems fazed by my "Why the hell not?" attitude and all the strange behavior that has come with it.
So why am I hiding abundance checks in the back left corner of my home within 48 hours of the new moon? I have found it to be true that when a message shows up in your life all at the same time from several different sources, it should not be ignored.  The recent message that has been gently, but persistently nudging me for quite some time is that everything you need is available to you right now.  Like, as in, I need nothing.  It's all here.  All you need to do is look for it or ask for it.  This may sound a bit crazy to you if , like so many people out in the world grew up hearing one or a combination of the following messages:
There isn't enough money, money doesn't grow on trees, the poor will inherit the earth, asking for money is shameful, people who have money must have done something wrong/evil/sinful to have that much money, rich people are spoiled and/or selfish, you don't need something that nice, it is wrong to want money/things, you should be proud of how we do without any money..., and on and on.
For me, I at least grew up knowing that having money wasn't the answer to everything.  We grew up poor, but I was well fed, had a fabulous backyard including woods and stream to spend all of my free time and the most amazing siblings that anyone could ever ask for.  We actually sat down and ate dinner together every night and had family game night.  My parents instilled in us a sense of humor and pride that I would not trade for anything.  The only drawback, as there is always two sides to a coin, is that now I don't know how to have money.  I am embarrassed to talk about it.  I have made really cool things for people- handmade stuffed animals that took hours of my work- and was ashamed to charge anything more than what you might buy a mass manufactured Made in China toy for.  When I have money I tend to spend it immediately- and I will try to get the best deal that I can for mediocre quality clothes or goods.  I am proud of my ability to get clothes for 4 dollars at Sal's Boutique.  This is not a bad thing, but it definitely hinders me when I am asked to spend a reasonable amount of money for a quality good or service.  It also gets in the way when I think about charging people a good amount of money to sit down and talk to me for an hour.
Because of my lack mentality, I know I have not been attracting wealth.  I have been pushing it away.  When I think about it, I know there were opportunities that I missed because I was afraid or embarrassed or scoffed at the amount of money they might cost.  One example- In high school, I can count on one hand how often I asked my parents for money for anything.  My friend Jen and I would go around the cafeteria at lunch and ask other kids for a quarter "for the phone" and get enough to split an ice cream sandwich between us.  I did not have real basketball shoes when I played basketball, I had these cheap sneakers from PayLess.  And when I joined LaCrosse in college I wore the SAME SHOES, the same terrible, cheap basketballish sneakers to run in.  And of course I got a stress fracture.  Could Mom and Dad have afforded shoes?  Yeah.  I think they could have.  I was just too ashamed or scared to ask.  I also didn't want to buy the 100 dollar health insurance that I was required to have when I played LaCrosse because it was too expensive. Luckily for me, I had to and could see a doctor for that stress fracture.  I never bought anything but used books, wouldn't spend cash on food (I had a school lunch card), and when I moved to Hawaii in 2002, I continued these cheap spending habits.  I wouldn't buy good bras, workout gear, sneakers, shoes, food, craft supplies, work supplies, nothing.
Sure, I was good at not spending money on quality stuff, I was good at getting a lot for not much money, but was I saving money?  Was my life better because I saved 5 dollars?  No.  And my mindset of "never enough money" drove me to depression and anxiety.  Being a cheap-ass did not make me happy and it did not make me wealthy and it did not stop me from worrying about money.
For all that time I never questioned the fact that it wasn't working.  I thought I was budgeting and saving.  But a few years ago I had a bit of a breakdown when financially several big ticket items, costing several thousand dollars each all fell on us at the same time.  All were unavoidable.  And it broke me down.  I saw a therapist and started searching to figure out what life is all about.
You can read my other posts on gratitude, living the life of your dreams, and forgiveness, lessons I have been learning about on my quest.  This week I have been researching what basically boils down to the famous "Law of Attraction." The idea that you attract that which you think about or believe.  The theory would be that since I had been living in such a lack or "have-not" mentality, I was attracting more and more of the same.  I was getting exactly what I thought I deserved.  I wanted more, but didn't believe myself worthy of having it.  I was not good enough, smart enough, didn't have enough letters after my name, and didn't grow up in a wealthy family and therefore I would never get more.  I behaved in a way to get me just enough money to get buy.  Never more.  I got a paycheck and spent exactly all of it, like clockwork.  I didn't mingle with "rich" people, I didn't do things "rich" people would do.
So, if the theory is that you must believe in abundance to attract abundance, I am sure as hell going to give it a shot.  I think the difficult piece is that you have to actually believe that you are worth it.  That I can have a cleaning lady and buy Victoria's Secret bras.  That I can spend the money on grass-finished beef from Whole Foods.  That I can buy a quality wrist brace to use when I work out- not the cheap one from Long's- an actual gymnast's wrist brace.  The tough part is not just saying it, but feeling it in your heart and in your gut, that yes, you are worth it, life is worth it, and those products are worth the money you are spending.  I believe I am ready for this now.  After a few years of saying that I am worth it, I truly now, believe that I am.  And I don't mind telling all of you that I am.  That my therapy and life coaching services will be worth the money that you will pay me, because it will change your life and you will wonder why you waited so long.  And with the money that I earn from the book that I write, the services I provide, and someday the retreat center that I will run I will get myself regular pedicures and manicures and haircuts and quality gifts for my husband and family.  I will buy plane tickets all over the place to visit people I haven't seen in too long.  I will tithe 10% to the charities, church and organizations of my choice.  I will support the people who are creating quality goods and services so that they can spend that money to pay it forward.
The miracle of it all is, that everything I need to make this happen is all there waiting for me.  Every time I put this theory to the test, it holds true.  The opportunities are always there.  I have to stop shying away from opportunities that present themselves and continue to live in the knowledge that I am valuable and worth it. I am remembering to ask for what I want and need.  I know you may not believe me.  I hope you can begin an experimental journey of your own.  I hope you continue to follow this blog to see what happens.  I'm excited to find out how this all turns out.
What is your experience with abundance?  Do you attract what you want into your life?  Do you know what you want out of life?  Comment below!

Can You Live the Life of Your Dreams?

Getting what we want out of life.  Is this even a possibility?  I didn't use to believe so.  I used to think that you just get a job, work all week, enjoy your life on the evenings, weekends and on vacation.  I used to think that life was hard and you only got to enjoy it sometimes, when you planned out some fun with friends.  I would just barely eke through the school day to get to volleyball, basketball, track, softball or theater practice and then I would get through that so I could go home and do homework and watch tv or pass out.  We were most certainly discouraged from laughing and enjoying ourselves in class and shouted at for being too loud in the hallways in between.  I took those habits with me to college.  Work hard all day in class, then work at job, then go home and study, watch tv or pass out.  Party hard on Thursdays (Ladies Night!  All you can drink until midnight!) and of course all Friday and Saturday nights.  You wound yourself up so tight all week long that when it was time to unwind things got a little, let's just say, out of hand.
Fast forward to going to school for my Master's degree and working at "real" jobs for another 10 years, in Hawaii for Pete's sake, and I was still only enjoying my life on the weekends.  We got two dogs, moved to the most beautiful beach in the world, got married and worked all week to earn too little money to go to the beach for a few hours on the weekends.

My Babies!!

A few years ago I went through one of those "perfect storm" times in my life.  We all go through them, sometimes more than once.  I was lucky that mine wasn't too devastating, although it felt like it at the time.  All in the span of a few months, we found out we owed 4000 dollars on our taxes, our dog hurt his leg and we had to have expensive surgery if we wanted to fix it (our dog is our baby), Hawaii furloughed all State Employees (that's me!) and our mortgage insurance rate was due to go up in July.  I was super depressed, but I didn't realize it.  I was trying to "eat healthy" which mostly included counting calories because I was a bit overweight at the same time, and this was leaving me hungry and cranky.
I caved in and went to see a therapist.  It was one of the bravest and best moves of my life.  The poor guy was new to being a therapist, I think.  I went to go talk to him and I was all held together, and then I just started bawling.  He didn't have to say much of anything.  It was a starting point for me.  I had decided that I didn't want to live the way I was any more.
Fast forward again, to the year 2013.  I am 50 pounds lighter and a bazillion times happier.  I still work at my "real" job, but I have my license for Marriage and Family Therapy within my sights.  I have a group of amazing friends that take care of me and my amazing husband has been by my side through it all, through the ups and downs.

So who cares about all of the above?  The question that I am trying to answer, the theory that I am testing out is that you can live, not just a good life, but the life of your dreams.  So, it's great that I'll have my license soon and I can enjoy most days.  But what I really want is to love my job.  I want to be a life coach and a therapist and run a retreat center.  I want my family and friends to all live close to me.  I want to have an abundant amount of money and be able to fly around the world with my husband and dogs and maybe someday children.  I want there to be a farm nearby where animals are raised ethically and butchered humanely so I can feel good about my food choices.  I want to run retreats and speak publically and teach and coach.  I want to have unlimited choices in workouts and not have to worry about how much it costs.  I will do muay thai kickboxing and crossfit and gymnastics and dance.  I will feel Powerful, Clear, Connected, Energized, Supported and Free every day.

Is this possible?  For the first time in my life, I think it is.  I feel that it is.  The experiment is underway.  I will keep my sights on what I want and live joyfully in the present moment.  I will find a balance in my day to day life and I will move towards that dream life.  And I will prove that it is possible.  Are you excited?  I sure am.  Hope you join me.  What's your dream?